Saturday, March 22, 2008
a fragile balance
i took the above photo a few mornings ago while on my way to work. it was a bruised cloud morning, which only intensified the red bricks and verdant lawns around me. because it was particularly dark, the streetlights were still on, making it appear as dusk, but for the particular sting and song of dawn. i wanted to just stand there in the middle of the sidewalk and hold onto that perfect balance of light and dark. but alas, the jittery reality of a village awakening urged me to move on.
the equinox came all too quickly for me this year. i welcome spring, and worship the sun. but i'm not at all prepared for the ritual greeting. i feel like tashi's ostara basket is lacking, and we have yet to color eggs. usually we make food dies using cabbage, coffee, turmeric, onions, beets, but this year it is going to be the store-bought tablets. it feels rushed, without honor.
things are uncertain around here. the other day dan was given notice that his work contract won't be renewed in august. while things have been turbulent on his job front for some time now, the certainty of its termination has felt like a mixed blessing. we're relieved that he has five months to find a new job, but what will that job be, and where? in the mean time, the country plunges into recession, toxins seem an unavoidable plague, our budget is so tight right now i can't buy seeds to plant a garden, gas prices continue to soar, bush is still our president, and i have been having some mysterious health issues which simply may be due to stress. i have to say, i sure did like waking to mornings of salt tinged sea air in cyprus.
anyway, sorry to be a downer this morning. i try to keep this blog fairly optimistic, but i don't like to censor my writing such that reality is phased out. and today's reality is that i'm not feeling very cheerful. i know that will change in a few hours. tashi and i are going to attend another art jam at the uva art museum, the theme being mosaics. we'll color our eggs. we'll read and sing and laugh. we'll hang out in the yard. it's a gorgeous day.
my family, the season, the sun: all sources of light to balance out the darkness inside me.