Friday, October 17, 2008
a new day
i am procrastinating on the packing that will be my day. my weekend.
packing is a time of reflection. it is meditative. you can incorporate yoga into packing. you can blast music, listen to radio talk shows or the low mumble of dumb tv. you can gaze out the windows at changing leaves, cardinals on branches, rainfall.
but still, i find it hard to look forward to packing.
our house seems to be saying goodbye to us. lights keep burning out. cobwebs and dust bunnies gather at an amazing clip. the tub drains more and more slowly with each day. cracks continue to form in walls and ceilings. leaves accumulate on the deck, the stoops.
perhaps we will take our last step out of this house, and it will split in half.
similar to my first pregnancy with tashi, i can feel the sudden transformation of the second trimester underway. suddenly i'm not passing out by 8pm. i feel uplifted. the gag reflex is still pretty high. but i will spare you that detail.
this is our very messy altar. it is not usually cluttered with quite so much, but with the packing, things shift from place to place. i have a small separate altar for baby, that all may continue to go well.
i've had my first dreams recently, featuring the new life. i had a few nightmares soon after i found out i was pregnant. so much fear about loss. but these recent dreams were so sunny and positive. in one i was holding my new baby in my arms in our new home. a girl! i was snuggling her close and treasuring each moment of new baby bliss. she had a sweet blond downy fuzz on her head. and she was huge, healthy, rosy. tashi was 9.5 pounds, after all. oh my!
in another dream i had two girls, a big one and a little one. we were happily traveling somewhere. a team.
it's funny to be dreaming about about a girl, when my inclination has been that it's a boy. so much mystery!
i will miss this stairwell in a funny way. i fell down it once. i'm glad i will not have to traipse it when in my third trimester. it is narrow and difficult to navigate in the middle of the night. i'm glad we will have a bathroom right next to our bedroom.
and so i will move forth as i anticipate the positive changes that lie ahead. with each box, i will remember how full my world is right now. how it continues to open, unfold and flourish. how i am endowed with the gifts of life.