10

tree is still up; i'm not ready to sink into the darkness. tibetan incense fills living room with woodsmell. loki the cat is restless. he has been having evening face offs in our yard with his doppelganger. it is very frightening to find two cats in a position to tear each others hearts out. now he is not to be let out after nightfall.



things are returning to the work-a-day school-time routine. tomorrow is one last friday off, for a spell anyway. saturday there is a classmate birthday party for tashi and her friend who share the same day of birth. it's going to be a pretty low key affair, as it has been the last couple of years, with games and craft stations, lunch and usually an outdoor romp.



yesterday was tashi's real birthday; a very fun time was had by all. after m&m pancakes (because, sadly, we were out of chocolate chips) we drove up to wintergreen, a ski resort about 50 miles south west, tucked within the blue ridge. there was snow i say. snow!



the gauze of memory hung over the day, a little flashback, a little deja vu. i used to ski, if not a few times a week, at least once a weekend throughout winter. this routine stopped abruptly when i entered college. it's been over twenty years since i felt the sleush of snow along the blades of skis, since i sat in the quiet symphony of snowfall, since my body danced down a long wide slope. i was either too busy or too poor, or it didn't cross my mind, the trek was just too long, or the slopes were just too short.

but now, in the foothills of the alleghenies, the range i learned to ski in as a child, ancient mountains with altitude and draft, the skiing calls to me.



but we didn't ski. this was an exploratory mission. we instead, tubed. slippy slidey slopes and spinny tubes that travel fast. it was a blast. tashi was bouncing with gratitude. she professes great heartbreak at the lack of snow in virginia. so a day in powder, albeit that which is artificially blasted from intensely loud machines, was the best possible thing to do on her 10th january 2nd birthday.



!!!10!!!



after our wintery afternoon, we climbed into our car, chilled, full of good food, tired and grinning. we drove straight to the shopping mall where tashi had her ears pierced. i'd been promising her for years that she could get her ears pierced when she turned ten. and so, she has.



more fun followed at home. many useful presents. an infusion of garments, accessories, activities. a few soft stuffed things. and more treats. ice cream cake from ben & jerries. mighty fine.




she is our warrior
sharp, wise, assertive
she is our seer
creative, sensitive, visionary

a sparkling fount of wonder

she bubbles with laughter
and even her rage soon dissolves into a sweet patter

sound of her expectancy as she enters our room

opalescent surprise in the sea's secret cove

innumerable silly and serious songs strung on passageways like bead curtains

bathwater wet, tucked in a book, turning boxes into snake hospitals

she's painted a room in my heart
and has permeated my bones with her heat

i honor her
and the spirit that lead her safely to us
thanks eternal

may we live long to see her live
may she live long to see us on
may she live beyond, to see the world change for the better
may she live well, and safely, with much satisfaction and joy

awash with incandescent nectar

year 2007 in review

* the year started off poorly with miscarriage # 5

* i've received the aid of an endocrinologist, some herbalists and an astrologer

* i had a great time with my first digital camera

* i left my cool full time job for a cool part time job

* i am able to be home just about every afternoon when tashi finishes her school day

* i started a doula practice. two out of my three clients had their babies in the last five days!

* i read a bunch of books and started a bunch of books and didn't finish a bunch of books

* dan and i went on some dates

* i saw a bunch of great movies, fell in love with some new music, saw some mind blowing concerts and visited some incredible exhibits

* i turned 40

* i got my first gray hairs, experienced my 1st and 2nd ever uti, fell down headlong on steep trail and twisted my ankle, went to the ER twice

* i wrote a concert review and entered a writing contest

* i sewed/assembled: my first patchwork cat, my first two baby blankets, my first placemats, my first cloth napkins, my first soft trees, my first sewing basket cover and several small collages

* i was given a knitting lesson and have nearly completed a scarf

* i developed friendships, maintained many, rekindled old


what i wish for in 2008

* that i get in tip top shape through walking, bike riding, yoga and diet

* that i find the creative spark to write and keep writing with passion

* that i collage

* that i grow my photography

* that i grow a garden

* that i grow

* that i start offering tarot readings again

* that i continue to be a positive force in the lives of childbearing women

* that i find patience, wisdom and quietude as my daughter goes more deeply into her tween years with tween attitude

* that i stop using the term tween now

* that i sew stuff

* that i knit stuff

* that. i. get. published. someday.

* and a few other things

i hope each and every one of your wishes is backed with positive intention and so manifests

if only

every day could be like this. . .

pj's until late in the afternoon. leisurely walks. games and play and crafts, one after the other. imbibing in all finery. no reason to rush. cats curled up and content. movies. song. books. long stretches of time with my loves.

we've been enjoying our vacationing. how about you?

and to all a good night

wishing you all peace, warmth, inspiration and good health in the waxing light of the new year.

p.s.
behold the tinker tree, inspired by noddyboom

lit

I call upon the blinking bright golden crepe
the open vocal channel
eye paint and paisley print
the prance of chance

I call upon singular insistence
a peaceful co-existence
the artful conjure of creative commons
a stripey stitched up knit of longings

I call upon the sealed up urn
the waft of pitch
the glittery spell
only an urn can tell

I call upon the health of years
the bright wet paint of sudden tears
spring, soil, flame, lyre
fanning plummage of all desires

outstretched limb
wooly bracken
trembling herb
haughty blossom

to seek to keen for splendor often

cakes and ale

last night i spent a fine evening with molly at beer run. for those that aren't yet in the know, beer run is a fine new establishment in belmont, that is not only a gourmet grocery store, wine cellar, cafe and pub, but an exceptional eating establishment. molly and i split two entrees and i'm telling you, i practically licked my plate clean, it was that good.

afterwards we drank a couple of beers, ate fudge & cookies, and played boggle. it was quite a nice lead into the darkest night.



when i got home i lit my floating candle.



today after an appointment, errands and some laundry, i went downtown and took my daily walk. so many lovely houses in the neighborhoods near the downtown mall, decked out in their holiday finery.



and then i saw the movie, i'm not there. i thought it was deliciously odd. awesome acting, music, cinematography and sets, not without some camp and humor. even though it was chock full of big hollywood names, it was very creative and off beat. i'm sure i missed a lot of the more subtle and esoteric connections to bob dylan's songs and life and myth, but i stayed mostly afloat and was carried by the sheer beauty of it all. i can't wait to see it again! cate blanchett and charlotte gainsbourg are worth the price alone. and you must stay through the credits damn it (i was the only one left in the theater after ten seconds of credits)!!! you musn't miss sonic youth's version of i'm not there nor antony and the johnson's version of knockin' on heaven's door. yes!!!

walking into the light

yeesh, i thought this would be a relaxing time but it's been pretty hectic. my doula world is keeping me busy with phone calls and appointments, which is a good thing.



on wednesday i had a follow-up appointment at the herbal clinic. i was told i need to make walking my life's work. i'm out of shape. my spleen is stagnant. and the fact that my legs were so sore after my last hike that i ended up in the ER, is a sign that i need to get into better shape. so yesterday i took a three mile walk. i left at sunset because i love sunset. i love how all the lights come on in the houses at that time so you can see into other people's worlds. and at this time of year there is all the christmas kitsch and color to appreciate as well. it was a very refreshing constitutional. i walked to the grocery store and bought a pint sized bottle of sierra nevada. hahaha. what a way to get in shape. i didn't drink it out of a paper bag while walking home or anything. in fact, i didn't drink it at all. i got so busy when i arrived home that i forgot about it. but still i thought it was funny that the goal of my power walk was to buy a bottle of beer at the grocery store.

i'm almost finished with the sewing basket for my special little someone. if she is reading my blog from wisconsin she must stop NOW. but i think she's too busy rolling in the snow with her dear cousins to be looking at her mom's blog. so here is a preview.





i'm not so sure about the fabric combo in my patchwork, but my fabric supply is rather limited. i haven't yet fallen into the habit of buying super amazing fabric online, because, well, it's often not cheap, and i don't yet have the confidence that i wouldn't destroy it. but soon, very soon. anyhow, i think tashi will be pleased with this. her favorite color is red, and i think the cows will make her laugh. all i have left to do is sew the button on and attach the lid with the leather cord. sure beats spending $40 and up for a manufactured sewing basket.

so is tonight the longest night, or tomorrow? this always throws me. solstice happens around 1:00 am on the 22nd, so is the night preceding it or following it the longest night? i just don't know. we usually light floating candles on the longest night, focusing on what might brighten our world as the days begin to grow longer. we also make orange clove pomanders; we talk about the year that has passed and the year to come while doing so. the smell of our memories and wishes fills our home for several weeks. i also usually clean out the frig, and throw all the old food outside for the hungering animals. books appear around the house; the fairies deliver them to tashi. solstice is a time for storytelling.

this year i'm alone on solstice. so some of this stuff will happen on christmas eve. and some of this stuff i'll do alone. which is fine. and i'm not entirely alone, because this evening molly and i are meeting for dinner and a beer (i swear, i don't have a drinking problem) at her partner's new place of business.

i also received the wonderful news that my dear friend laura had her baby girl at 4:46am this morning. i am thrilled beyond words.

i'm wishing you all a thoughtful, bright, peaceful solstice.

a song to bring you home

i am all alone until christmas eve. i have a client who is due any day, so must stay in town. i was feeling pretty blue right before tashi and dan left for wisconsin, but am now sinking into the solitude, an old familiar friend. it will be a productive, restful time before christmas, and also a time to indulge:



they will be here before santa is, and until then, there are cookies to be baked, solstice to be contemplated, projects to be completed, movies to watch, naps to be had, and cats to cuddle.

trying to remain cheerful

i'm feeling a little funky today. just one of those days. it didn't help to watch michael moore's sicko last night. i laughed i cried i yelled. sometimes i really don't know why we choose to remain in this country.

here are some cheerful visions to fuel my denial.


delicious banana bread from a co-worker, in one of these super cute lil' red pans.


two boxes of a variety of these vintage glass baubles for $2


two of these silly dancers for 20 cents


i don't know why, but i love these mini santa cups. they were 10 cents each and have a date of 1960 stamped on the bottom.


this peppermint stick fudge will blow your mind. and your teeth. and your waistline. tashi and i made it with this recipe.

i have never documented my christmas so wildly before. but the (temporary) joy of some sparkles and twinkles and treats is not to be denied.

downtown holiday photo essay

turtle time

i made a wee soft turtle



it took hours for me to complete this. i had to start over once or twice because i seem to have a problem reading directions. making small stuffedies is a challenge.



i'm going to give it to my nephew tucker, who will be two in june. the pattern is from bend the rules sewing, a book that rocks the beginner sewer's world.



next, tashi's sewing basket, for which i am going to make a lid from this tutorial.

mat kins

it is a day that has started off well. fresh squeezed orange juice, granola, and the completion of a project. placemats & napkins:



this was the sort of poject i would crank on. and then put away for two weeks at a time. i had many frustrating moments trying to make a straight line. and my biggest problem was corners. the corners of the mats and napkins were several times thicker than any other part of the pieces and my sewing machine could not handle it. is it the machine? the needle? me? i don't know. but almost every corner of each placemat was an issue, and the napkins too. usually the fabric would stop moving through the machine when i got to the corners, so the needle would just make several stitches in one place. i worked with it but sloppiness resulted. sometimes the needle couldn't even penetrate the thick corners and in one instance the needle just broke.

here are some terribly sloppy corners, so that you can share in my beginner sewer woe:





there was cursing and frustration and some sadness too, but despite it all, it's still a gift made with love and determination. i hope the special someone likes it.

i found several yards of the colorful fabric at the thrift store. i was indifferent at first, but for $3 figured i should just go for it. it's called chestnut calico a screenprint by f. schumacher & co. it's a really nice weave, linen i'm pretty sure. i guess it's probably a reproduction of an antique. but i think it's good for things like place mats and napkins and maybe a soft tree. i made two more of those last night, in this mixy matchy fabric:



those ones are for a trade, along with a beadflake.



i have a few more projects to go. but i also took some off my list. i realized i felt a lot better about the holidays when i didn't have so many handmade projects ahead of me. i'm just not there yet with the efficiency and motivation. when i feel like sitting down at my sewing machine it is incredibly meditative and pleasing. especially when pandora is doing the right thing with the background music, like it is this morning. and the sunglight is passing through the windows in just such a way. but when i don't want to sit at the sewing machine, yet have to because of a deadline, the joy falls away. and i'm not ready for that yet.

some highlights from this morning's pandora: vetiver, iron & wine, elliot smith, antony and the johnsons, devendra banhart, cat power, beth orton, animal collective, the new pornographers, jose gonzalez, rufus wainwright, and a heartbreaking version of neil young's helpless by a group i've never before heard of called needle.