Thursday, April 30, 2009

do-nothing day

yesterday we tried the bath again and tristan loved it. not a complaint, just some excited feet and arm movements. afterwards he was an incredibly peaceful baby, hanging out on the lambswool and gazing for an eternity at light slanting through blinds. when i picked him up he nestled his head against my shoulder and fell into a deep sleep. there is nothing like the feeling of a completely relaxed baby nestled up against you, sometimes cooing like a dove.

today is just sort of drifting by. the baby is sleeping and nursing and sleeping and nursing. and i am nursing and sitting and nursing and gazing and nursing and surfing and nursing and filling out paper-work. but i'm not doing laundry or making cloth yo yo's or sorting. i'm not cleaning house or finishing the edges of old receiving blankets cut up and turned into burp rags. i'm not reading much or taking very many photos. i am not even napping. it's almost dinner time and i've really got nothing to say for this day. except that i am so in love with my baby boy that sometimes just sitting and nursing and gazing and nursing and surfing and nursing is all that i really need to do in a day to feel totally fulfilled. but i sure wish he'd wake up and share his big eyes with me! i may have to start mentally preparing myself for the late night tristan wakey party. . .

by the way, today is tristan's actual "due date." and today he is five weeks old! he is weighing in at 9.5 pounds, the same weight as tashi when she was born.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

spring sun, spring storms

we are enjoying this season of change. every day the yard fills out with new leaves and blossoms. every day our little boy opens his eyes for longer stretches, gazes further into the distance, looks at us with bemused almost-smiles, and increases in heft and strength and edible cheeks. tashi sketches the changes in the world around her, rides her bike back and forth in the driveway, grows more skilled in baseball as the season commences and her team readies for its second game. the changes come so quickly and then night falls, bringing with it the brightest stars, under which there is sleeping and waking and more transformation to be revealed in the morning light.

i think tristan and i will have a regular morning meditation on the porch swing. each time i sit there with him, he settles and gazes, spring blossoms reflecting in the pools of his eyes. and then he sleeps, birdsong in his ears.

he's been introduced to many new things lately.


cloth dolls.

horses (he is all tucked in the sling there).

and this morning, a first bath in his little tub (his cord stump just fell off this week). i have no photos of his first bath, because he was rather unhappy with it, unfortunately. water the wrong temperature? tub not comfortable? or just not in the mood? what irks a little baby is often times a mystery, but it is hard to see him unhappy, and then feel the stress escalate, and then find that dan and i are snapping at each other because we have differing theories about what is causing the problem. but the little storms always pass, and the little baby never seems to love us any less.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

wip: baby mobile

there is a cool baby mobile in sweet booties. it involves making 48 fabric yo-yos, stringing them together, and attaching them to a embroidery hoop covered with satin ribbon. in these interrupted and somewhat distracted days, it will take me forever to make the yo-yos. but i'm working on it.

and i've learned how to make fabric yo-yos. there are so many surprises in the galaxy of needle and thread!

out & about

dan's sister barb & her husband dan visited this weekend. the weather was stunning, so we decided it was a good time to introduce tristan to the big world. his only outings have included two visits to the doctor's office, and a couple of walks around the yard. so we bundled him into the car and were off! (the carseat terrifies me, the way his head flops around. how will i ever go anywhere alone with him?)

the moby wrap served us well; he hung out in it almost the whole time we walked around the downtown mall. we visited the pavilion, where there was an ecofest and some really good music. unfortunately, as is the way with the pavilion, it was just too loud for newborn ears. we visited a few stores, and nursed on a good bench outside cha cha's boutique, under the mirror ornaments that sprinkle colorful drops of light upon all who pass. after some more walking we hunkered down in mudhouse for a while where i continued to resist the urge for coffee.

finally, we ate dinner at a bustling beer run. i had a delicious plate of perfectly grilled veggies atop pesto pasta. it was so good. as was the small glass of amber ale. we were given a table in a private nook outside, and it couldn't have been a more splendid day for eating out of doors.

tristan was content, and mostly sleeping, the whole time. when we got home he had nice long wakeful period, and then a mostly good night on the sleep front.

and so it is sunday, the orthodox easter, and tashi's first baseball game of the season. my mother will be cooking up a feast!

Thursday, April 16, 2009

tristan's first nikes

those of you who perused before seeing the movie may have learned about the nike dunk shoe giveaway. in order to enter your name in a sweepstakes for a pair of hand sewn nikes, you had to wait for the code word at the very end of the credits. and so tashi and i did that. the credits were worth sitting through anyway, as there was some really good 3-d action. when i got home i entered the code word and both of our names for a pair of funky shoes. and guess who won a pair? me!

well, so, they arrived today. and guess what. the size 8.5 i received is a men's size 8.5. that would be way too big for me, but certainly not big enough for dan. i wrote to the give away folks, and they pointed me to the rules page which clearly points out the available sizes are men's sizes. i was told, "we are unable to exchange prizes." i even begged a little.

if i'd gone two sizes less, i probably would be taking a walk in my funky new hightops with black coraline buttons at the top of the laces. but noooooo. lesson learned: read the rules!

so i was feeling rather sad about it all and thinking, well, maybe i can sell them someday on ebay for a huge wad of cash. that really wasn't making me feel any better because when a girl wants to wear a pair of new shoes, there's just no getting around it. then i realized, i can save them for tristan. and that made me really happy.

though i probably would still exchange them if they let me. does that make me a totally selfish mom?

Monday, April 13, 2009

spring colors

the yard is really beginning to show its colors. rhododendron and azalea, dogwood and redbud are competing for attention. tristan's wakeful periods are getting longer, which keeps our attention on him. the longer i can gaze into those of eyes of his, the better. but he's also been a little uncomfortable of late. it appears to be indigestion, though it could just be newborn adjustments to life on earth. i had some luck this evening putting him in the moby wrap for the first time. it was like tucking him back into the womb.

on easter (which is ostara) there was the obligatory egg hunt. yia yia grilled up some delicious souvlaki for dinner. if cyprus had a flavor, it would be souvlaki. i enjoyed a momentary visit to my homeland, if only by mastication.

and so it continues. the timeless tick of days passing. while all things unfold in the spring damp, our miracle unfolds in the dry spring interior of our home.

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

beyond time

it's strange how several feedings and a few diapers later -- with a nap thrown in -- a day can disappear. we are beyond time around here -- morning, late night, early afternoon -- they are all one. tristan is still sleeping a lot, but everything revolves around his wakeful periods. so if he is wide eyed and bushy tailed at 3am, so are we. because who could ever resist those other worldly orbs of his?

yia yia arrived on monday, and they seem to have taken to each other quite well.

yes, it's a pretty constant love fest around here.

at moments it's been hard to relax. with tristan arriving five weeks early, certain things were not in place (like his clothing). so i've squeezed in moments of sorting, arranging and running off to a store or two for newborn size garments (i didn't really think i was going to have a baby less than ten pounds; tashi was nine and half after all). but i think i've had enough of that for the time being. there is something so sacred about these early days, and being in a department store scrubs away the dream dust. i'm just not quite ready for that!

so now that our basic necessities are in place, i can sleep a little more when the baby sleeps. my favorite is to sleep with the baby on my chest. his warmth, breath, and small cooing sounds are my lullaby.

and i didn't manage to make some items from sweet booties as i had hoped to before his arrival. so perhaps some sewing is on the horizon. we shall see, because whether the sun is rising or setting on the horizon, we are just so relieved our second child is here with us as time quietly passes.

Friday, April 03, 2009

parting the curtain

it looks like the sun is beginning to break through the curtain of rain we've had for several days now. the nearby pastures are verdant. i am looking forward to light and warmth, though the showers have been a blessing. now all things green can sprout and dance and stretch under the sun.

as our own sprout changes daily before our very eyes.

yesterday i finally managed to wash some of the beautiful hand knit garments my mother made for a newborn tashi. i am so pleased tristan will able to wear some of these lovelies in the cool air of early spring.

tristan's wakeful moments grow with each day. he is still a bit between worlds and we feel so lucky to occupy that space with him. he brings us surprise, laughter, momentary bouts of despair and great swells of calm. as the hawk swoops in and out of our trees, and the buck visits with his family in the evening, we see tristan's own primal strength rise through his vulnerable preterm days. we are awed by his strength, and the adjusting power of nature.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

focal point

we are drifting around in a sleepy bliss, waiting for the moments when tristan opens his bright eyes and gazes back at us.

or the contemplative moments, when he chooses to observe his new world.

the cats are not sure what to make of the new addition, but loki has seemed rather the protective lion.

tashi can't get enough of her little brother.

and i can't believe our new reality. how things can carry on as they have, yet be so very different.

who are you little tristan? what story will unfold with your each and every day? we can't thank you enough for choosing us as your family.