sad applicant

i just spent over two hours filling out a detailed application for a job as "library circulation assistant" at piedmont virginia community college. i have to fill out the same awful virginia commonwealth applications for any uva job i might want to apply for. my hands are shaking and my tummy is rumbling.

it's a day of patchy clouds and sunshine. loki is sleeping in the linen closet and luna is outside exploring. soon i will go buy a stamp so i can mail my application and then i will drive up to tashi's school where i am volunteering at the cute little waldorf store.

we've received two letters from ann arbor this week. yesterday it was from our former landlords who told us of all the renovations they're making in our former house. they're totally fixing up the cramped little kitchen, putting in new maple cabinets, a dishwasher and a microwave. they've already installed central air. i miss our old house with the bright and airy living room, its tall windows looking out at a thick forest. i miss the two acres full of wild herbs and tall trees. i miss the pond, alive with singing frogs, mating ducks and frolicking fawns. i miss the friends that appreciated it all. i miss the oregon chai and fair trade coffee from cafe verde. and of course i miss the co-op and the good people i worked with there.

and today we received a card from our former neighbors, glen and ruri, an older japanese couple who lived through the days of internment camps. they sent us a bunch of photos they took while we were packing the uhaul and then driving off early the next day. ruri told me my plants would be transplanted in her garden. at least i can be reassured that the hands of a master gardener will care for them, even if she does use round-up sometimes.

if i sound a little sad, i am. no regrets. but some sadness anyway. i numbed myself throughout the entire move. but now i'm able to feel again.