i am feeling a little down on my mama-self lately.
it seems i do so much multi-tasking with tristan, i am afraid to count how many times a day i say just a minute to him.
there are the everyday tasks: laundry, cooking, tidying (notice i didn't say cleaning), dealing with pressing concerns and correspondence. and there are my various creative projects that i try to sneak in, perhaps too often. and then there is just distraction: facebook. email.
and there is his 14 year old sister. she needs time too!
we certainly spend quality time together, and a lot of it. but i feel like i'm lacking in the playfulness category. i like to do activities together: crafts, puzzles, reading, cooking, outdoor discovery. but i'm not so good at the full on imaginative play, which i'm pretty sure, is his most favorite thing.
yesterday morning, while i was totally sick on the couch, i was listening to dan and tristan imitating dragons and chasing each other around the house. no wonder he often asks for daddy when he wakes up from his nap (he is napping right now, by the way, a giant nap, which means he'll be up with the owls tonight).
and then there are the times when i sit down for a full on session of gnome house, or playmobil, or line-the-trucks-up-for-a-race, or tree blocks, and everything i do must be undone. no, that gnome doesn't belong there! or i'm going to pull the wheels off this truck you wanted to zoom! or i'm going to move these pieces of the game to the opposite side of the room or i am right this minute going to destroy that house of blocks you so carefully built or that stone is not a stone and that cow is not a cow and that fairy is not a fairy! i ask myself, why do i even try?
and maybe trying shouldn't be part of the formula. just do-ing. and re-doing. and not being attached to a single thing.
i'm pretty sure i've written about this before. . .
mamas, i ask you, how much time do you spend cross legged on the floor, simply playing?
how do you go about parceling your day into play, tasks, personal fulfillment and online communication? do you have a schedule, a formula, a rhythm, or does it all just arise? when do you process those photos, blog, play, do the dishes, figure out the week's menu, play, launder, sweep, do yard work, play, stimulate your intellect, learn something new, protest the powers that be, do your homework, play, work on that photo book gift project, meet your writing deadline, sew, work, play?
how often are you online? how do you keep that single communicative link with the outside world (especially if you live in isolation) under control?
and did i skip exercise? the ever elusive-to-me, exercise?
i know i am so incredibly lucky to be able to stay at home with my little guy. i wouldn't want it any other way. and i love him beyond words. but he is an intense little fellow. and i am not the young urban mama i was with his big sister (though i know i was a multi tasking maniac with her too). why do i so often find myself pledging, before a night's rest, tomorrow i will play more, and finding the following night that the time spent still seems inadequate?