sad applicant

i just spent over two hours filling out a detailed application for a job as "library circulation assistant" at piedmont virginia community college. i have to fill out the same awful virginia commonwealth applications for any uva job i might want to apply for. my hands are shaking and my tummy is rumbling.

it's a day of patchy clouds and sunshine. loki is sleeping in the linen closet and luna is outside exploring. soon i will go buy a stamp so i can mail my application and then i will drive up to tashi's school where i am volunteering at the cute little waldorf store.

we've received two letters from ann arbor this week. yesterday it was from our former landlords who told us of all the renovations they're making in our former house. they're totally fixing up the cramped little kitchen, putting in new maple cabinets, a dishwasher and a microwave. they've already installed central air. i miss our old house with the bright and airy living room, its tall windows looking out at a thick forest. i miss the two acres full of wild herbs and tall trees. i miss the pond, alive with singing frogs, mating ducks and frolicking fawns. i miss the friends that appreciated it all. i miss the oregon chai and fair trade coffee from cafe verde. and of course i miss the co-op and the good people i worked with there.

and today we received a card from our former neighbors, glen and ruri, an older japanese couple who lived through the days of internment camps. they sent us a bunch of photos they took while we were packing the uhaul and then driving off early the next day. ruri told me my plants would be transplanted in her garden. at least i can be reassured that the hands of a master gardener will care for them, even if she does use round-up sometimes.

if i sound a little sad, i am. no regrets. but some sadness anyway. i numbed myself throughout the entire move. but now i'm able to feel again.

oh shenandoah

yesterday we jumped in the car and drove uphill to the
shenandoah national park. we drove along skyline drive and checked out the observation points. we attempted one hike but tashi quickly became unhappy because of the gnats flying into her eyes. the appalachian trail winds through the park, along with many other trails. tashi was certain she saw a bear, which is entirely possible, and we saw several deer. there were a lot of great herbs: red clover blossom, yellowdock, mullien, plantain, marigold, to name a few. the wildflowers in spring are something to look forward to. we had a bit of a struggle with a huge bee that was attracted to the interior of our car. and unfortunately the whole event took a turn for the worse when tashi refused to hike and dan started to slump over in his seat, sound asleep.

the cats are out. yesterday was the first day we let them outside without our supervision. they came back! and so now the world is theirs to explore. hopefully they won't get into a tangle with the vicious dalmation named maggie who lives next door. and hopefully they won't be preyed upon by the family of red tale hawks that roost two doors down. as for our neighbors on the other side, they're mormons, and i think we have to worry about them more than the cats do.

today i have to get serious. after three weeks of unpacking and arranging and puttering, i now have to focus on an occupation. my little less than part time job at the barn swallow is just filler. i'm hoping to get a little herbal cottage industry going here. something i've been wanting to do for over five years now. and i'd like to write and make collages and assemblages and maybe even paintings. but aside from the dreams, i have to get a real job. wish me luck.

leaf light and dew

it's a bright and sunny morning in charlottesville, after an evening of scattered showers and cooling breezes.

we enjoyed free live reggae music at the pavilion last night. stable roots opened for guano boys.

tashi was bustling with energy, jumping all over dan and i, bathing us with wet kisses, poking us, sucking at our cheeks, ramming us like a bull in the small of our backs, pulling at arm hair, spinning and begging to be spun.

it was a love fest speckled with pouty moments of withdrawal when dan and i would bark at being injured.

but i listened to the music and examined the crowd and felt pretty good about my new community.

there are a lot of suit coats though. i am as suspicious of them as i am of cops.

speaking of such, three kop cars pulled up in front the other day and their three drivers descended upon the house across the street. i made a special effort to view the situation. one took post in the back of their yard, another in the front, while the third knocked on the doors. no one answered. the kops hung around a bit too long for comfort and then left. i guess i can't help but say, wtf?

this morning i made an early visit to the farmer's market. bubbling with humanity, it was a colorful scene of ripe vegetables and three piece bluegrass. the harvest is in! i purchased a pound of okra and a fresh baked blackberry pie.

this full moon evening, dinner guests and a playmate for tashi.

having drunk a cup of strong free-trade coffee i am now feeling edgy. it's the first coffee i've consumed in three weeks. three weeks ago this very day we moved here. on that day i drank three double cappuccinos in order to stay alert at the wheel.

this just in

a great and just article from the front lines of new orleans.

in fact, the whole website deserves attention.

prisms and colored glass

the humidity is back.

so many dangling things. what to do w/ broken wooden memory of egypt. bottles of teal and blue, reminder of small round windows in thatched pub.

dank little root cellar, filling with boxes of what if and piles of this was.

huge old wooden desk, two doors down, discarded on road. six drawers. oak probably. ours now.

dan and i, undecided on what room should be who's office.

too many books for the number of cases. missing some crucial storage that cedar bend provided.

drink: water
snack: animal crackers
music: cicada

cedar bend. sad now, that i didn't salvage my lavender and sage, that i didn't dry more of my mugwort. disappointed that i didn't collect the seeds of calendula, echinacea and cosmos. a cinquefoil, transplanted, forgotten. all that out of control oregano, nettle, mullien, catnip and coltsfoot. shameful that i didn't dry more for use. must start all over here, another rental, the grounds crawling with jasmine and ivy.

last two times i've taken loki outside have ended with him hissing at me viciously as i carry him indoors. our yard is abundant with catsmell. he bounds off into wooded areas along fence, carpeted in poison ivy. i have to make a choice: do i count on his return or follow him into the mass of suffering. so far, he has returned.

as i must. to the work at hand.

waste mismanagement

in charlottesville, in order to have your garbage collected, you have to purchase a weekly sticker for your trash bin. the garbage man was nice though, and dumped our festering pile into his truck anyway.

as for recycling, pick up is for cans and bottles only, no paper.

thomas jentropy

a sure way to induce brain entropy is to alphabetize cd's for an hour.

things are falling into place so much now that i can actually see sunlight spill across floor boards. a new breath fills corners.

drink: nettle infusion
music: nick drake

tashi has a playdate today and at this moment is being picked up from school. she's found a sweet sprite named phoebe who loves to be a little girl as much as she does. they'll chase faeries and hug and giggle.

streets of charlottesville named after tj

jefferson highway
jefferson lake drive
jefferson park avenue
jefferson park circle
jefferson street
thomas jefferson parkway
thomas lane
thomas road

(we live off of jefferson park avenue, otherwise known as jpa)

some businesses and some organizations named after tj

jefferson coin shop
jefferson communications inc
jefferson engraving and awards inc
jefferson foot and ankle associates pc
jefferson heights at pantops mountain
jefferson madison regional library
jefferson midwifery
jefferson nephrology ltd
jefferson obstetrics & gynecology ltd
jefferson park baptist church
jefferson park junior academy
jefferson ridge apartments
jefferson signs
jefferson supply co
jefferson theater
jefferson tibetan society
jefferson vineyards
jeffersonian apartments
jeffersonian wine grape gowers society
thomas j photography: the studio without walls
thomas jefferson center for the protection of free expression
thomas jefferson memorial church


out of all those, i'd visit this


i gotta go look for a job now

baking grounds

last night dan and i baked some very special orange chocolate chip cookies.

when searching for flour at harris teeter i noticed an aisle marker that said, "cornmeal/baking goods" and sure enough there were about fifty varieties of cornmeal on the shelves. there was also no light brown sugar, only dark brown. i attribute this all to southern culture.

today we are going to a mini renaissance fest on the university grounds. it is being put on by the society of creative anachronism.

one is not to call the university of virginia a campus at any time. it is the grounds. and there are no freshmen, sophmores, juniors or seniors. just first year, second year, third year and fourth. and a wahoo is a fish that can drink twice it's weight in liquid. the uva football fans call themselves wahoos.

edgar allen poe attended uva.

soon i will tell you how many streets in charlottesville are named after thomas jefferson.

tashi has decided that today is valentines day in september. we are supposed to give love notes to each other all day.

done sitting listlessly

dsl stands for dangerous.

well the d does anyway.

can you believe that this is the first time we've had dsl at home. all these years with a dial up. i think i shortened my life with all the anxiety over slow downloads. and now i don't have to do anything. just walk up to the computer and begin. and we're still really behind the times because it's dsl and not wireless.

but what do i know about these things anyway.

this morning has been completely wasted with puttering and playing with the computer.
but it's friday. and i had insomnia last night.

i did take loki outside a short while ago. i think he will have to pave the way for luna, who, won't let me carry her first of all, and second of all, is impossible to catch. loki stayed right beside me, sniffing everything, his eyes wide and ears pointed. he let me carry him off to certain locations in the yard where i would set him down and croon at him like a crazy cat person. he didn't pelt up a tree or over the fence. he was such a model cat. and when i brought him in he gazed at me with pure gratitude. he knows now his day is coming for being let loose upon the jungle.

but tell me, how do i convince a cat to leave creatures smaller than himself alone?

i wonder how many cats died in new orleans. how many dogs. hamsters. guinea pigs. last night i watched the bbc news and saw nightmarish footage of bloated dead bodies that have not yet been gathered up. let's take care of the living by leaving the decomposing dead amongst them.

loki is curled up in the sun behind my computer. a soft mass of purring fur. that's a pleasing image isn't it.

have a nice lunchtime.

hurricat

the cats are getting restless. i'm keeping them inside for a while until they are used to the place, but yesterday luna was chasing her tail like she used to do as a kitten. and this morning loki kept clawing me. even when i was in the shower he jumped onto the side of the tub, stuck his paw in and gave me a poke on the side of my leg. they've been doing a considerable amount of acrobatics, from couch to table to chair to windowsill. soon kitties, you will explore the great out of doors.

dan was reimbursed finally for his interview trip to c-ville. we can buy groceries, gas, cat food and maybe one chai! it was getting pretty scary there. he only gets paid once a month and i haven't yet started my part time job.

now i will pick up tashi and drop off a box of toys we gathered to be delivered to nola kids with nothing. i wonder if president bush will donate anything. go on, mr. bush, clean out that closet overflowing with blankets, sheets, shirts, and snake oil. ask your cooks to gather up some canned goods from the white house kitchen. and while you're at it, maybe you could help out some of the homeless people in washington, dc.

my brother-in-law, bagus, and his partner, sissy, almost certainly lost everything. they got themselves and dog zita out of there before the hurricane, but didn't manage to pack anything else into their car as they scrambled to escape. they are lucky to have a car. and they are lucky to have lots of family and friends elsewhere to help them. but really, it hasn't been a lucky year for them at all. not at all. i'm glad they didn't get stranded on their roof for days.

our roof is really slanted. it wouldn't do one bit.

twang

is it possible to say "albemarle county" without sounding southern?

mosquito fuzz

some things i've noticed about being here:

* folks are very friendly. they wave from cars and yell hello from across the street.
* the mosquitos are numerous and smaller than dandelion fuzz.
* many rooms in our house dip. this makes marbles rolly and shelves tippy.
* there is a serial rapist on the loose in charlottesville.
* a lot of people have chain link fences.
* ann arbor was very white.

two cats and their people

i am in the mudhouse cafe on charlottesville's main street and most likely parked illegally. so this is gonna be brief.

we made it!

prior to our departure uhaul called us and said, "we don't have a 17 ft truck in the lot, so we'll give you a 26 ft one for the same price."

it's a good thing, because that baby was packed full.

thanks to the many lovely helpers who came to our aid in packing the truck, we could have never done it alone. especially since i was suffering from flu symptoms and could do basically nothing but putter around the house in a daze, dropping the last loose items in boxes.

i think dan should quit his cool new job and become a truck driver. he drove over only two curbs the whole trip. our stuff made it to charlottesville unscathed, but for the few items that were affected by the bottle of bleach that burst.

the cats were amazing for the most part. it is unfortunate that loki urinated all over himself, luna and the cage just 30 minutes into the journey, but otherwise they were seemingly calm and quiet. about 12 hours into the trip they started to meow plaintively, but i think they were just hungry for their dinner. it took us 14 long hours to reach charlottesville! tashi was also an excellent road warrior.

our house is full of boxes upon which the cats perch. the set up process is going to be slow, as i am completely exhausted and can't seem to get much accomplished in this steamy weather.

and hey, what's with the spam in the comment boxes? i'll have to do something about that.

tashi just made a drawing of a girl. the girl's name is mhmaycoowyvyhh. oh, she changed her mind and named her thish.

and now i must run, as i don't want a parking ticket.

(more frequent postings ahead, when we actually have connectivity at home)

lotus window tree

i write in here little, because i am now moving

big truck in driveway tomorrow (now today)

it is a lot, three people, four years, this house

endless suchness in corners when sleeping i should

this small break

now more

char

morning fire

soft bones of bird

life should let life live

animal nature

feline ferocity

combustion now

give wing to flame

inter state

truck. truck. truck.

a convoy of clouds.

tornado news. bombings. an airplane downed.

lost cousin. sweet echo.

and the cries of her parents.

blue bruised burgundy fury and eternal lashings of the sea.

into a mountain the airplane shattered.

cockpit or naught, she was.

now is ________________ out.

under dirt her fair flamboyance.

the last of her smile.

from the ashes the phoenix rises

perhaps you have heard about the cypriot airliner that crashed in the mountains of greece on sunday? i saw it on tv while i was eating a chimechanga in charlottesville. i was so caught up in my petty world that i didn't even entertain the notion that i might know anyone on that flight. i was born in cyprus and my mother's side of the family lives there.

yesterday, in lexington, kentucky, i talked to my mom on the phone. the flight attendant found in the cockpit of the plane was my cousin, louiza vouteri. the plane lost air pressure and apparently the pilots passed out. it appears louiza tried to take control of the plane.

the many faces of louiza flash before me in a rainbow. i did not know her well. but i knew her long.

i met her for the first when she was but a tiny girl, four or five. i saw her time and again, a young teenager in nicosia cafes, a blossoming beauty on the beach of aiya napa, a champion equestrian attending a horse at stable.

and five years ago, i saw her on my way to india. five years ago she shared her fresh excitement about becoming a flight attendant. she was vibrant, full of light, beaming. at the brink of a calling.

what i see is her spirit, winged angel, golden, a hero, rising from that airplane.

over hill and dale in a little glen, the house of blue

on thursday dan and i loaded our two vehicles then slept.

on friday we convoyed through ohio into west virginia where i thought i might crash into a diesel truck because i was so dazed from the heat. it started to cool down on the mountain pass as night set in. we reached charlottesville thirteen hours after we departed that morning.

we reached sang's and thought we were locked out. but dan's instincts led him to look under the doormat for the keys, which were there. if you ever want to rob sang's house, look under the doormat.

we burst into the kind, air conditioned home, showered, and slept.

saturday morning we looked at a house that smelled like stale cigarettes and had sloping floor boards. it bordered the land surrounding monticello, the house thomas jefferson designed and lived in. he's dead now.

we also met tashi's teacher. she's terrific.

after lunch at the super cool hippy tea room we looked at another house, a "historic cottage" that was once a boarding place for uva students. it had four rooms that were exactly the same. each room had a working fireplace, a fold out desk, and a window seat. each room stank of mold and dust, despite the beauty of the dark hard-wood.

we were sweating so hard after that visit. so we collapsed in a heap back at sang's. i made lots of circles on housing classified ads, and then made lots of phone calls on our dying cell phone. two appointments were arranged.

one of the houses was an amazing work of architecture in the blue ridge mountains. it looked like a hobbit house or the home a medieval alchemist. it had spires with windows. but it only had one bedroom and the stove only had two burners. so we didn't take the house. But the owner, a sweet, down-to-earth potter, offered me a job at her gallery which is in a beautiful barn surrounded by tall flowers!

the other house, which is a surprising blue, is the house we will call home for at least a year. dan and i will each have an office! there is a huge yard full of trees. there is even a fire ring and a picnic table and a deck and a swing. some of the rooms in the house are yellow and the hard wood floors are shiny and new. there is a fireplace and a gas stove. it is obvious a lot of love has been put into fixing the house up. and the landlord has good sensibilities. for instance, he trusted us immediately. no credit check or application. we just handed him a check and suddenly we live in charlottesville. we hope you'll visit sometime.

dan and i celebrated by having blackened catfish and jambalaya at a tasty restaurant called "southern culture." afterwards we walked around the downtown pedestrian mall and then had some delicious beers at the microbrew called starr hill. we giggled the whole night and thanked the divas and deities.

ding a ling a ling a ling ah

as soon as it's mentioned a secret unfolds.

drumbeats. grrrowwwls.

a harmony of wings, sirens.

cicada on the sack,
stump, screen.

against my lips when i was two.

birdsong bounces between spindles
closes in
passes

but tashi is singing a song from fiddler on the roof

a curtain call

between boxes

right now i want to push between a few boxes, crouch as if in a cave, and weep.

weep loudly against cavern walls and hear the echo.

but instead i'll just write about it.

crone in the hammock

i was going to start a new blog under the title of windflower. i was almost ready to create my first post when the computer crashed and all was lost. so i'm thinking now that i'll just stick to the vale.

my childhood playhouse was a clearing in the forest at the foot of a hill. there was a junkyard on the hill and i would collect old pots and pans to add to my abode. i found an iron stove burner that i placed on a stump and a cookie sheet that i somehow propped underneath with rocks. it would slide in and out like an oven rack. sometimes i would urinate on a particular tree that split near to the ground. i would somehow sit on the split and pee right into the trunk.

i had a dream once about this childhood idyl. i was an adult returning to it in autumn. there were crisp auburn leaves everywhere. the air was fresh and sharp as only it can be in fall. there was a warm feeling of serenity shadowed by chill. and then she spoke to me. an old wrinkled woman rustled from the leaves on a hammock and she spoke to me.

she said, "i will teach you about the flowers and the weeds, the trees and their seeds." she looked like death: pale, creased, bits of burnt leaf caught up in her thin hair and dusky rags. she said, "i will teach you the secrets of the plants."

i grew up in the allegheny mountains. and now i am moving to the foot of the blue ridge. this message seems particularly alive as i enter hill country again.

dayfog

it has been so humid lately that a thick mist hovers above the earth and between the trees. i'm waiting for the wailing thunder storm to release us from this stew.

between one place and another i anticipate stress. accumulations rise up and mock my materialism. cats cages crates conveniences cud. tonight i will dance and bleed.

cicada gotta

we went to a family friendly hippy festival!

we camped, we danced, we swam, we smoked.

there were two stages and three days full of many bands. there were vendors and falafels (with a pickle, baby) and batiks and lemonaid.

my favorite bands were sound tribe sector 9, wookie foot (even though i only heard them from our campsite), the recipe and david grisman.

there was a spring fed quarry w/ an island in the middle. there were lots of trees w/ poison ivy snaking up their trunks. the fireworks were awesome. the skydivers were pretty good too.

it was somewhat a parallel universe. can't really believe we were there or that it happened at all. truly a vale of eveningfog.

while david grisman jammed like crazy, a cicada molted on my friends backpack. really. we noticed suddenly there was this dirty rubbery cicada shell stuck to her bag and then it split and this green luminescent critter emerged slowly. it's wings unfolded and it glowed, fragile and intricate. absolutely amazing. it crawled up my arm and i set it free on a tree branch. it said thank you with its beady black eyes.

no more nonsense

while writing a story that has to be read backwards is an interesting challenge, i don't really feel like putting the time into it. besides. feanor is out of the woods.

so now i will simply keep a blog, like everyone else. shower you w/ my petty little personal dilemnas. share with you the uneventful details of my existence. heap slather.

there was a party and it was a success but the hostess was stressed while the host was blessed. it was nice having people all around, tiki torches, some big balefires.

happy solstice earthlings.

this is feanor's inventor

who is feanor herself.

but that journey to mount owlish. it's old news. uneventful. not worthy of attention.