U is for Uva Ursi

(these are all pictures of pictures. again. the below was taken by my friend lisa hoffman when i was in my 9th month of pregnancy with tashi)



uva ursi was our first child. dan and i picked her up from a cat rescue service around autumn equinox in 1996. a tortoise shell tabby with beautiful markings, she seemed the most feisty of the litter. she won our hearts with her spunk.



we struggled over a name when we got home, while she attempted to climb the lace curtains. i pulled out my herbal tarot deck and our new kitten touched a card with her paw. it was the two of cups card, and the herb represented on it was uva ursi. shortly after choosing her name we received a phone call from dan's family saying his brother tom had been in a terrible bicycle accident. he had a spinal injury that would paralyze him. it was a day we'll never forget. uva ursi was the only bright light that remained on that day.



she was an incredibly social cat. she would sit in front of our house in oakland and greet people that walked by. sometimes she would jump into cars that had just parked. she was not the least bit shy or reticent. one time our neighbor scot had a party and uva followed me there. she was a guest as much as anyone else, showing off with her acrobatics, talking to people, receiving compliments. i was nobody compared to uva ursi.

and what an acrobat she was. we had a fig tree next to our front stoop. she would shoot up the fig tree to the roof of the house in the blink of an eye. for a while she liked to play fetch with a toy mouse i made her. and she was a nuisance too. every morning she would bat at a calendar we had hanging near our bed. we would wake up to the tick, tick, tick as it swung on the wall. uva was a very active child.

when i was pregnant with tashi she loved to hang out on my belly. she was a great companion for my first five months of pregnancy, when dan was india.



uva was very pissed off when we brought tashi home from the hospital. she was extremely territorial and we'd never really seen her angry, except at other cats. she immediately moved up to the top shelf of my closet. when tashi was sleeping she would sneak up to her and smell her toes. if tashi twitched, uva would be up in that closet in the blink of an eye.



she eventually came down and took over the bassinet.



tashi hated that thing anyway and slept with us in bed. uva warmed up to tashi in no time. pretty soon i had both uva and tashi in my lap for most of the day.



sometimes when i would nurse tashi, uva would lick tashi's little newborn scalp. it was such a sweet, protective, nurturing gesture. i was certain a beautiful relationship was blooming.



this is our last photo of uva. she had just gotten to the point where she preferred curling up next to tashi rather than remaining on my lap. tashi was just beginning to reach out to her, to really notice her as another being in residence.



uva wasn't quite two years old when our neighbor amy found her motionless under a tree. there was blood coming out of her mouth. dan rushed her to the emergency vet, but she was gone by the time he arrived. her internal bleeding lead the vet to believe she'd been hit by a car.

dan and i cried and cried for days. it was such a strange time, with the joy of tashi bringing laughter to our days, and the loss of our beloved and oh-so-spirited cat breaking our hearts. we thought she'd be with us for years and years.

she always did seem of another world. we imagine that she is queen feline in some ethereal land where cats rule. she certainly looks down upon us from time to time. i assume she doesn't think too highly of loki and luna. but she thinks the world of tashi.



we sure do miss you uva ursi.

T is for Travel with Tashi

you know this already. i love to travel. my mother was a travel agent and took me along on many trips throughout my childhood. it wasn't always fun, yet i was left with so many global impressions that it made growing up in a tiny pennsylvania oil town bearable. i knew there was more out there and that it was attainable.

something that first attracted me to my husband was his backpacker spirit. i sensed it in him right away. to us having a child didn't mean we had to throw away our sense of adventure and give up the road. tashi was with us on our honeymoon when we spent a week in mexico. we went to london, to greece and to cyprus, before spending a year in india. she drove across country with us when we moved from the west coast to michigan. and she's driven back and forth with us between virginia and the midwest several times now. tashi and i have taken a few trips to new york city together on the train. we went to london and cyprus again last summer. and tonight when we were looking through old pictures, tashi asked me eagerly when we could go back to india. the love of travel has already been nurtured in her, and she has always been a terrific companion: patient, curious, entertained and excited. a few nifty fifty mile treats, an excellent sketchpad with a good set of colored pencils, and some delicious portable snacks will get you a long way. that, some travelers tales for mothers, and the lonely planet guide to travel with children.

all the photos in this post are pictures of pictures. i don't have a scanner so i used my digital camera to take pictures of pictures originally developed from film. the above shot is of tashi and i at the bhagsu waterfall, near dharamsala, india. below she is with dan and my cousin david, in hampstead, england, before taking the underground to the airport where we would board our flight for india.




international travel with a child opened up a whole other dimension to us. her presence drew people to us, and us to people. we met other children, and befriended other couples. despite the fact that we were from america (and the judgments this can lead to), we were respected. we experienced things on another level. we couldn't just eat in restaurants all the time, we had to shop at the bazaars and cook meals. i had to wash and dry cloth diapers in monsoon humidity. i had to face my fears about disease, and dis ease. having a child with us helped us to not just visit, but to live.



tashi's presence added so much more journey to the journey. the impressions will stay with her forever. as will the openness, the worldly wisdom.




traveling has been really good for us as a family. it is a true test of team work. and a great source of joy.




travel itself can bring you closer to your god, or goddess, or the spirit in all things.



there was so much amazement when we were in india. like when i was almost run over by the nechung oracle while taking this picture.



there were so many warm smiles and intense gazes that redesigned my heartbeat.



exposure to language. mantra. and the richest of colors.



we even had visits from friends and family while in india. it is truly a gift to be able to share the magic.



it's been seven years since we were in india. i long for similar experiences. i'm certain more lies ahead. and there are the surprises. like last summer when tashi and i went to cyprus for a month with my mother.



i am a bit like the fool in the tarot deck, willing to step off the cliff and take the plunge into the unknown. that ionian sea sure does look tempting, yes?

diva

Patti Smith

S is for Swimming

i am what my uncle might call, a water baby. i was born on an island and in the first few years of my life, lived just up an embankment from the sea. my mother was a scuba diver and had a small boat. sometimes she would leave me alone on the beach as she swam off with her snorkel and explored. my earliest memories are of sitting in the sand at the edge of the water, waves lapping at my toes, staring at the horizon, wondering if my mother had been attacked by a shark. i may have been a little bit frightened, but i was also at home.

despite my life at the edge of the water and submerged in pools, i didn't even learn how to do the crawl stroke until i was about eight or nine. i took lessons at the hilton hotel while visiting cyprus one summer, and then i was set to go. there was no getting me out of the water after that.



when i was pretty young my mother took me along with her on a scuba diving cruise in the carribean sea. i was always so scared when she would jump into that deep, ominous, dark water with a tank on her back. i would sit on the yacht waiting for her return, terrified. i love to swim, but scuba diving doesn't call to me. i do love to snorkel. my love for this came on that same trip, when my mother lead me through shallow water at the edge of an island, and i saw for the first time the most incredibly colorful and complex underwater world. fish that glowed, intricate patterns, plants that opened and closed at the touch of a finger, bright corals and beautiful stars. everything swayed and danced and sparkled. it was made all the more special by the fact that my mother was actually leading me through it all.



i joined the swim team in middle school and remained a competitive swimmer through high school. i wasn't great, but i was good enough. breast stroke and crawl were my strongest. i was not so good at back stroke or butterfly. swimming was the only competitive sport i was a part of. i joined track at one stage, but an unusual bone structure in my ankles caused me too much pain. i enjoyed skiing (s again!), but that was just for fun. swimming came naturally to me and i looked forward to it.



dan was also a competitive swimmer. and tashi can't get enough of the water. last summer when tashi and i went to cyprus, i introduced her to snorkeling. i think it was one of the best times we've ever had together.



i would love so very much to live by the sea again someday. but for now, a few nice lakes will do.

feet that are paws

there are different kinds of feet. big knobby adult feet like mine. little tiny soft newborn baby feet. busy bare bouncy toddler feet. webbed feet. warty feet. corny feet. and feet that are paws.

luna loves to sleep on top of things like magazines and books and piles of art work. above she is stretched out on tashi's art camp portfolio. see her little luna paws. below she is still on the art portfolio, but her little feet are curled under.

sometimes, mostly in the morning, she stretches her little feet out and touches me on the cheek. she spreads her little toes like a good yogi, sticks her claws out and gives me a gentle poke. at that point, i'm not really sure if they are feet or if they are hands. i guess that's why they are called paws. are paws feet?

one foot in front of the other

so i just found out that it's feet week for those in blogland that want to participate.

i mentioned a few posts ago that i don't like my feet, and thought this might be a decent opportunity to befriend them.

here i am standing on the tibetan rug in my danskos. we don't usually wear shoes in the house, except for photo shoots such as this.

i won the tibetan rug at the himalayan fair in berkeley a long time ago (1994?). it was the grand prize ya'll!!!!!

the danskos i bought last summer and they were my first pair. i bought them from ebay before going to cyprus. i am now totally hooked on dansko comfort and quality. except for some dust from a dirt road i just walked on, they are in nearly perfect condition after two summers.

one circle

i love this idea of putting fun fabric in an embroidery hoop and hanging it on the wall. i'm going to fill in a couple spaces around my kitschy artwork with fabric hoops.

this fabric was from a vintage shirt i picked up from a freecycler. the shirt was too small, and frankly, i'm not sure if it is a pattern i'd actually want to wear on my body. but i thought it worked well with the colors of the paintings, and the yellow of the wall. so it became hoop bound.



hoopety doo!

how nice!

i just received my first blog award ever from ms. full circle. gee, thanks!

it is said about the Nice Matters Award:

"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people; good blog friends and those who inspire good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive influence on our blogging world. Once you've been awarded please pass it on to 7 others who you feel are deserving of this award."

narrowing it down to 7 could be tough, so i'll just list the first 7 that pop into my head.

angelictenderbutton
have fun do good
north node astrology
blissblog
noddyboom
sweet
green kitchen

rock on nice people!

archival

this is a video our friend ari made in 1998! look at our little tashi! look at that mohawk! look at the baby pudge! we have never owned a video camera, so this makes my heart go pitter pat!!!!

R is for Reflective

which is how i'm feeling right now. . .

today is tashi's first day of fourth grade. her school relocated and instead of driving 15 miles out of town, we now only have to drive a couple of miles through the heart of charlottesville. this is convenient, but i will miss the trek up to crozet, where we could gaze at the blue ridge for the entire drive. it was a great opportunity to be reflective.

the school building is a new one, on a beautiful stretch of property. the classrooms are temporarily going to be located in the particular building, while the waldorf foundation searches for the last lump of funding to begin building the greenest school in america. it is exciting. it is a big change.

so this morning i am feeling reflective. my daughter is in fourth grade. in a new location. without a classmate who was tragically killed. there was a sad fog that hung in the air during the rose ceremony this morning, when the first graders gave their new teacher a rose and began their grade school journey. i saw people crying. was it because it was the first day of school, always a bittersweet occasion? or was it because three people were missing due to someone else's reckless driving? the accident is an event that conjures both sorrow and rage.

this is the first year tashi was bemoaning the start of school, saying she didn't want to go, fretting over how it takes up too much of her time. she seems too young to be concerned about time. one evening she complained to me about how brushing her teeth takes up too much time. "it takes a whole two minutes!!!!" she bellowed.





reflection. i love to look at it in the water, on glass. i love to participate in it during quiet moments on the hammock, at an open window, by the seaside, or like now, in a cafe that serves really good coffee. traveling is a good time for reflection. it is one of my favorite activities, being in a new place, or an old beloved place, with all the time in the world to sit and moon over the past, present and future. i am like ferdinand the bull. if i could just sit in a field of daisies for hours on end, i'd be perfectly content.

i am often reflecting over my way of parenting. it is important to examine and re-examine. to reinvent the wheel. if one stops questioning their way of parenting, poor patterns can emerge, or a repeat of the things one's own parents did, things not so good.

i reflect on my marriage, my memories, my future, on the weather, the light, the interactions of people around me, on what i should be making for dinner for the week, or which piece should go where in the collage. i reflect and then i clear the field, letting fall what may, capturing if i can.

when i am able to capture beauty, or a certain rare juxtaposition, a secret, or a memory, and give it back in a way that it inspires reflection in the minds of others, that is a great achievement.

birthday party photo essay

there was some good beer. and some not so good beer.



alison gave me these lovely bangles!



the kids had fun. . .



dan gave me



two tickets to



this is meredith and molly



molly is going to give me knitting lessons. this is the starter kit! thanks molly!




can't wait to soak in this



and a special wand like object from molly. it's a branch from a datura. so i call it my moonstick.





i wasn't expecting people to come bearing gifts. so much kindness!



surfzilla rocked the deck.



we're already planning our next party!

fine line between art & chocolate

Q is for

* * * Quest * * *

I can't imagine life being anything but

* * * Quietude * * *

As in now, Dan and Tashi off at the Cinema watching Harry Potter's latest (for the second time), and I with a chance to putter, write, photograph, listen to the outdoor sounds coming in

(i have so many thoughts and photos to post. but right now am being called by birthday chocolates, a fresh pot of coffee, and the variety of bath salts I was gifted with!)