R is for Reflective

which is how i'm feeling right now. . .

today is tashi's first day of fourth grade. her school relocated and instead of driving 15 miles out of town, we now only have to drive a couple of miles through the heart of charlottesville. this is convenient, but i will miss the trek up to crozet, where we could gaze at the blue ridge for the entire drive. it was a great opportunity to be reflective.

the school building is a new one, on a beautiful stretch of property. the classrooms are temporarily going to be located in the particular building, while the waldorf foundation searches for the last lump of funding to begin building the greenest school in america. it is exciting. it is a big change.

so this morning i am feeling reflective. my daughter is in fourth grade. in a new location. without a classmate who was tragically killed. there was a sad fog that hung in the air during the rose ceremony this morning, when the first graders gave their new teacher a rose and began their grade school journey. i saw people crying. was it because it was the first day of school, always a bittersweet occasion? or was it because three people were missing due to someone else's reckless driving? the accident is an event that conjures both sorrow and rage.

this is the first year tashi was bemoaning the start of school, saying she didn't want to go, fretting over how it takes up too much of her time. she seems too young to be concerned about time. one evening she complained to me about how brushing her teeth takes up too much time. "it takes a whole two minutes!!!!" she bellowed.





reflection. i love to look at it in the water, on glass. i love to participate in it during quiet moments on the hammock, at an open window, by the seaside, or like now, in a cafe that serves really good coffee. traveling is a good time for reflection. it is one of my favorite activities, being in a new place, or an old beloved place, with all the time in the world to sit and moon over the past, present and future. i am like ferdinand the bull. if i could just sit in a field of daisies for hours on end, i'd be perfectly content.

i am often reflecting over my way of parenting. it is important to examine and re-examine. to reinvent the wheel. if one stops questioning their way of parenting, poor patterns can emerge, or a repeat of the things one's own parents did, things not so good.

i reflect on my marriage, my memories, my future, on the weather, the light, the interactions of people around me, on what i should be making for dinner for the week, or which piece should go where in the collage. i reflect and then i clear the field, letting fall what may, capturing if i can.

when i am able to capture beauty, or a certain rare juxtaposition, a secret, or a memory, and give it back in a way that it inspires reflection in the minds of others, that is a great achievement.