where i am

it's a cold january charlottesville, having just stepped from the thigh deep snows of wisconsin.

                     

so much has happened in the last few weeks, i feel like i am still shaking it out, 

while jogging into the new busy. 

appointments are set, rehearsals are daily, and applications have to be processed. 

there are curious new toys, wonderful games, and stacks of books. my suitcase remains unpacked. ornaments hang from a dry, stiff, lit up tree. there is still a pile of gift wrap, gift bags, and flattened boxes in my bedroom. legos are sharp underfoot and dinner doesn't ever seem to make everyone happy.

many illuminated and encouraging flags hang before us. and while 2013 seems to have been a year hard on most, i would have to say that it was also a year of building foundations. 

i feel ready to step forward and on from a place of groundwork.

oh resolutions. i can barely recount the last week: spending time with dan's large and loving family in a place that is fraught with lake michigan's dramatic stand. the seductive language of a warm window in deep snow at twilight. cooking and being cooked for. sitting down for a meal at a table set for ten. celebrating my father-in-law's 80th birthday in a beautiful nature center full of people happy to see each other. celebrating my daughter's sweet 16. musical theater. marvelous indoor spaces. museums. blazing fires. layers of cloth. the great deep white reflecting so many bright lights.

oh resolutions. what came before our epic drive to wisconsin. sewing every spare moment in preparation for what ended up a very slow holiday market. a beautiful christmastime spent with my mom and my little family. eating great food and great treats. a roaring woodfire. a few faint snowflakes. a marathon baking session. some well selected gifts. the satisfied unfolding of a christmas afternoon where everyone is reading a new book, playing a new game, listening to a new cd, or cozying up under something new and warm and fabulous.

oh resolutions. they come to me at the oddest moments of the day. i will play more. i will cut back on my use of just a minute. i will get it done. i will write more. i will exercise. i will let go of negative thoughts. i will not procrastinate. i will empathize more. i will embrace each. moment. more.

what ever it is you resolve to do or not do, may 2014 bring you all the good things
that may have been missing from 2013 (and then some!). happy new year!

a fragile balance

i took the above photo a few mornings ago while on my way to work. it was a bruised cloud morning, which only intensified the red bricks and verdant lawns around me. because it was particularly dark, the streetlights were still on, making it appear as dusk, but for the particular sting and song of dawn. i wanted to just stand there in the middle of the sidewalk and hold onto that perfect balance of light and dark. but alas, the jittery reality of a village awakening urged me to move on.



the equinox came all too quickly for me this year. i welcome spring, and worship the sun. but i'm not at all prepared for the ritual greeting. i feel like tashi's ostara basket is lacking, and we have yet to color eggs. usually we make food dies using cabbage, coffee, turmeric, onions, beets, but this year it is going to be the store-bought tablets. it feels rushed, without honor.



things are uncertain around here. the other day dan was given notice that his work contract won't be renewed in august. while things have been turbulent on his job front for some time now, the certainty of its termination has felt like a mixed blessing. we're relieved that he has five months to find a new job, but what will that job be, and where? in the mean time, the country plunges into recession, toxins seem an unavoidable plague, our budget is so tight right now i can't buy seeds to plant a garden, gas prices continue to soar, bush is still our president, and i have been having some mysterious health issues which simply may be due to stress. i have to say, i sure did like waking to mornings of salt tinged sea air in cyprus.



anyway, sorry to be a downer this morning. i try to keep this blog fairly optimistic, but i don't like to censor my writing such that reality is phased out. and today's reality is that i'm not feeling very cheerful. i know that will change in a few hours. tashi and i are going to attend another art jam at the uva art museum, the theme being mosaics. we'll color our eggs. we'll read and sing and laugh. we'll hang out in the yard. it's a gorgeous day.

my family, the season, the sun: all sources of light to balance out the darkness inside me.

sweets for the sweet

we made chocolates with the nifty candy kit nanna gave to tashi.


bread gone wild. popped it out of the bread machine and had to make it special for tashi's morning. i think i got carried away. look at how thick that glaze is. it looks like a gothic cathedral. or something.


chocolates ready for the classmates.


a last minute late night valentine created for my sweet daughter.

imbolg blessings

on friday tashi asked me to lay a white cloth in the back yard. a teacher had told her that on imbolg eve brigid is about and will pass over the white cloth. the cloth is then yours, infused with her power.

on saturday tashi completed her dove pillow. the embroidery is hers, upon a transfer. she sewed the pillow's three & a half sides together at the sewing machine, stuffed it, and hand stitched the finish. is it not the most beautiful little pillow you have ever seen?



she then claimed, "must keep sewing," and so found a project in her felt book to complete. she named him wally. he is already beaded up with love.



my heart is so full.

and that is not all that saturday was.

it was a day that turned warm.

so we took a hike. on a segment of the rivanna trail, off of stribling, running along a few creeks and the rail line. i took about a million pictures that all disappeared when plugged into my mac to be uploaded. the camera battery died which [improper device removal] always ends in the disasterous loss of photos.

and so.
i. will. not. dwell.
on that.

i will however, dwell, on how much water i saw on this hike.

the creek was swelling with run off. it was high and deep. the tributary was full of magical pools, the song of water spilling over rock. it was just lovely to gaze down the misty riven hollow of a lively foothill stream. blessed be the water. may it continue.

from there we took a "spur" trail that circles the upper buildings of fontaine research park. it was strange mixture of woodlands, switchbacks, arboretum, cowfarm, wetlands, parking lot, highway view point, and creek side jaunt. we were thoroughly entertained. tashi collected samples for her microscope kit.



when we returned from our hike we had "bananas a la brigid," bananas fried in butter and brown sugar and then set aflaim with the aid of a brandy and a match. this is an imbolg recipe/ritual found in circle round. the bananas can be served on top of ice cream (our preference is vanilla bean, by ben & jerry). it is a delicious tribute to the light, to the coming of the warmth and the ebbing of the cold, to the playful nature of existence, to the sweet and the sharp and the fruity. we drank hot chocolate, dan's and mine spiked with a shot of brandy!

what kind of dinner could you have after that? while dan ran off to play a gig, tashi and i had breakfast before bed. omelette, bacon and toast. it couldn't have been a more perfect imbolg.

today arrived with a walk. i now begin my every sunday with a three mile walk to the grocery store. it's a fine way to begin a sunday. my kind of church. i walk up and down dale, cross waterway, pass clever houses and end up in a well lit shop that i'm actually developing a fondness for.



at home. laundry. eating. playing. laundry. the unveiling of tashi's pitch back net. laundry. successfully fulfilling a quest in the dreaded shopping mall. eating. super bowl rarrrrring. staring at the computer. and staring. and staring.

goodnight. sorry about the loss of photos. i would have loved to share all the shots i took of the water. but brigid decided that the holy well cannot be captured on screen.