dreamslinging

i was in a crowded east bay bart station with tashi. we were waiting for our train and i badly had to urinate. i told tashi to wait right where she was sitting and ran off to use the facilities (take note: i would never, ever leave a seven year old tashi sitting alone on a train platform). naturally, when i returned, she was gone. there were people swarming around everywhere. i started calling her name and freaking. there were some red cross personnel standing at a table and i told them i couldn't find my daughter. they were unsympathetic and said that there was not much they could do. a security guard overheard me and said, "don't talk to them, they're mean." he made some phone calls to various stations, and then proceeded to gaze down into the tracks. that made me feel really uneasy. i wanted to call dan. i wanted to call 911. i knew the security guy could communicate with the train drivers. with each idea that came into my head, i felt great hope that tashi would be found. and then i awoke.

i hate these kind of dreams.

i had another the night before. dan, tashi and i were at a big house party. i was letting tashi do her own thing, as there were plenty of friends around and i knew she would be safe. but she disappeared. i spent hours searching for her and freaking. the friends were unsympathetic. i was beginning to give up hope and then tashi appeared out of the blue. she told me she was afraid to tell me she was going anywhere, because she was with her new boyfriend and she feared i wouldn't approve. i told her i didn't care who her boyfriend was, to just let me know if she was planning to go somewhere.

hopefully it will be seven more years before i really have to worry about any of this.

but in real life, tashi told me yesterday that a friend of hers informed her that seven year old girls could have babies. of course seven year old girls can't have babies. why mom? this opened up a can of worms.