blank slate

oh oh. i've been tagged again. this time by noddyboom. we haven't met but i have a link to her blog because she's a cool & creative mama. she's even cooler now that i know she stood naked in front of the eiffel tower.

since i've already told you five things that you might not know about me, i'm now going to tell you five things that you probably do know about me.

I)
when i was three i moved to america on a big ship. i turned four in bradford, pennsylvania, in a holiday inn. the population of bradford was about 10 thousand, and i lived there until i was 19.

II)
a girl who had been one of my best friends when i was in early grade school tried to beat me up in a roller skating rink when we were in sixth grade. i was no fighter and another friend of mine stepped up to the plate. they pulled each other's hair out.

III)
the first time i kissed a boy i was a month shy of eleven. my mom was in the parking lot picking me up from a catskill's summer camp for children of greek orthodox descent. he led me behind the dorm, and there, beside a tree under a laundry line, i had my first lip kiss with a boy.

it was as dreamy as he was.

IV)
when i was 17 i worked at the burger king in bradford.
when i was 27 i worked for an acupuncturist in san francisco.
oops, that's two things.

V)
i met my dad for the first time the summer i graduated from college. i was 21. i love him and his wife and my half brother (whom i met just a few years ago), very much.

i've already tagged just about anyone who might possibly read my blog and have a blog themselves. so for now this is the end of the line.

sketchy

last night after tashi was in bed i plopped down on the couch not feeling very energetic and said to myself, i have to create something to salvage this day. then i remembered the huge sketch pad dan gave me for christmas along with some charcoal crayons. i pulled it out and sketched him as he read a book on the couch. it's not very good, and i didn't even attempt the hand or much of the head. and there are some elements i added in that aren't really true to life like a star on his cardigan. but i was really happy while i was doing it. it's the process that counts, yes? it got me really excited about hopefully taking some art classes in the near future.

then i went off the deep end and started sketching layouts of pads i once inhabited. below is the first apartment i lived in buffalo, ny. what a nightmare that was. i lived above a waitress who hung out with speed freaks who stayed up all night and yelled a lot. her boyfriend and his buddies started harrassing me. they shoved pages from porno magazines under my door. threw eggs at my windows. piled trash on top of my car. and one day used duct tape to seal my door shut from the outside. i lived there for four months and then moved into a sweet apartment with karen before anyone attempted to rape or poison or shoot me. phew.

eye piece

i had to put this picture here, before it would appear up there.

my previous picture disappeared from the web, thus from my blog. it was a little mandala like painting, by j.r.r. tolkien, of luthien's seal. i thought it was cosmic.

other than having a sinus infection, all is ok. tomorrow is friday and for this i am grateful.

soap's on

recently i did a trade with poet extraordinaire, lisa jarnot. she sent me some of her soaps and i sent her some of my herbal tea blends. the rose soap with its pretty petals and beet juice colored pink is in our soap dish now. and we've got the lovelies pictured above to look forward to in the weeks to come: blackberry-rose soap and bela eucalyptus. i snuck them out of their wrappers just to show you, and then sealed them back up, because they are still curing. there is nothing better than luxuriating in an all natural home made lather. visit catskill organics now to check out lisa's sublime soap.

Antro II by Hedda Sterne 1949

this week did not begin well, i must say. on tuesday evening i felt a bad cold coming on. despite it, i went to work wednesday through friday, because i was signed up for a training and had already canceled out on the one offered in december. i got sicker through the week, with things peaking on thursday evening when i writhed in bed all night with a fever and a sinus headache and muscle aches and a sore throat.

today i am feeling like i'm on the other side of things, still coughing and still with sore throat, but more energetic. as dan said, i'm no longer groaning.

i think going to the family artjam at the uva art museum helped a lot. even though i woke up thinking a i didn't have the energy for it, i felt much better (and happier) after we took part in it.

artjam is something the uva art museum is offering once a month, january through april, where parents can come in with their kids, have a bit of guided tour through the exhibit at hand, and then create artwork based on what they have learned.

today we checked out the art of hedda sterne. i'd never heard of her but was impressed with her surreal, mostly abstract, style. we worked with shapes, and the line. while i was making my drawing, the woman leading the session asked me if i was an artist. that gave my ego a little boost for the day.

dan, tashi and i were all inspired and uplifted upon departure. we have some pretty cool pastel drawings hanging in our stairwell, and are looking forward to the next artjam which will explore indian paintings and african art.

dan is at band practice now, and i'm going to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. hope you all are in better health than me!

mooncat

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

sugar hollow hike

sunday morning mix

tashi's favorite muffin is the banana chocolate chip muffin. i use the moosewood recipe.

i've been rearranging a bit. i started with the living room. if ever you feel like there are no alternatives for the way things are arranged in your living room, just move your couch ever so slightly so that it is at an angle. that is what i did, amongst other minor tweakings, and i'm quite pleased.

also, for its second birthday, i've given the blog a new look. i think i like it.

today we're going to go for a drive and maybe a hike. might as well enjoy the balmy weather.

bright eyes

this is our girl cat, luna, sister to our boy cat, loki. luna was the runt of the litter and is just a little neurotic. she is shy and doesn't like to be picked up and sometimes runs when you try to pet her. but when she turns her love light on, she is the sweetest 'lil thing. her eyes are an incredible piercing aqua marine. she chatters a lot and digs hanging close when we read to tashi. she adores tashi most of all. loki is the alpha male and is constantly harassing luna. when he walks into a room, she departs. last night we saw luna stand her ground with loki like never before. she would appear out of nowhere and divebomb him from behind. and then at some point when he was sitting on the cat tower, she gave him a half dozen whaps with her open paw. he sat up looking dazed and astounded and then took a flying leap toward the other room. luna curled up on the cat tower pleased as punch, and we had to give her a round of applause. the girl is a survivor.

i am feeling better, though exhausted. there is nothing else.

entropy

this is an ornament dan's mom embellished for him when he was a wee tot. she glued candy sprinkles on to spell his name. after our last few years of dank basement storage, the ornament, and the candy on it, have become moldy. this year i asked dan if we could bid the moldering pink orb farewell. once food grade materials start to disintegrate, there really is no turning back the clock. apparently dan isn't ready to let it go. it sits still in our dining room, waiting for a decision on its fate. i'm hoping this immortalizing picture might tip the scale. though i'm quite charmed by dan's attachment.

the shroud

today i stayed home. my first sick day in eight months. it was a good day to be at home. the morning started off with wind and i was able to appreciate the sounds it bore all around me: the house creaking a bit from impact, the scratch of small branches scuttling across the roof, chimes, the roar of the hawk's nest pine, all leafy trees jangling.

despite my ill feeling, i was able to move about the house and experience it in solitude, a rare delight.

i found myself staring with surprise at titles of books not yet cracked, while blowing dust off others i'd abandoned mid way. i purged old weekly newspapers and holiday catalogs, and wondered, does it signify middle age when your shopping becomes predominantly mail order? i commiserated with house plants who suffer ailing leaves. i had lengthy petting sessions with cats who respond with purest bliss.

i was able to appreciate daylight falling through windows, corners where things of significance are housed, cups, peeling paint, this old macintosh. i listened to songs that once stirred me. i picked up and touched things. i spent time on my bed staring out the window at a tree choked with ivy. i felt awakened.

all the while, the veil between life and death, lifted.

this weekend the package i found at the threshold held a life lesson. it has been delivered before. the gate to the moon is in my very home. the cats guard it like sentry. the life which passes, passes through all. its presence surrounds me. the blossoming heartbeat within me has found stillness. my body has refused to sustain it.

because the goddess insists i learn about miscarriage, i feel that in some way i must do something "productive" with the experience. perhaps i must aid, in some way, other women who suffer it. this the lesson i am learning as i journey through my fifth pregnancy loss. i am writing now, so candidly in this blog, which is mostly light hearted and about loving life, because i know too well the loneliness of miscarriage and that only through sharing will the lonely find some small degree of comfort.

so i begin here, now. to the left you will find links as i gather them. perhaps i will dedicate another blog to it. but for now this is my first step. may those who seek information, solace and support, find it. may i somehow be of help.

loki listens

it's been a back to work week, a put all the new stuff away week, a take down the yule tree week, a laundry week, an upload some photos to flickr week, a not feeling well week, a purr therapy week. when i'm not feeling well the cats often know just the right way to curl up against me and send their purr vibe out. it's like acupressure. in these pictures they are having fun with tashi, who, as you can see, got a guitar for christmas.