that's our big boy, ready for his first day of preschool. while he told us he didn't want to go there, really that he wouldn't, he was exceptionally cooperative about getting ready to leave the house. departure is not his forte, i must say, but underneath all the contrary sentiments, i think he was quite excited.
big wet white snowflakes started to fall as we drove away from our hamlet, and the tears fell as well. not from him, who was expressing amazement at the snow. but from me. the growing certainly does happen all too quickly. and when you start to let go you wonder if you didn't hold on enough.
we were of the first to arrive this morning, and tristan immediately took some toys down from the shelf, making himself at home in this new magical space. he will spend just two days a week in this sweet preschool, where the seasons are celebrated, where the toys inspire the imagination, where there are crafts to be made, stories to enjoy, bunnies to feed, and a very regal cat to watch over everything.
i stole one more moment after i stepped outside, and gazed back in at the children and their wonderful teacher, gathered around their task of painting. yes, this will be good. another adult to help our boy unfurl, to share in the task of offering up attention, guidance, and rhythm. and more friends to sort out relations with. there were no tears as i walked away, not from him, not from me. just a sense of wonder as we take the next step on our journey.
when i picked him up he said he didn't want to leave, yet readily went to the door, walked the path to the car, and climbed in. departure is not his forte, i must say, but underneath all the contrary sentiments, i think he was quite excited to be heading home again, and quite willing to offer up some small glimpses of his day.
he said he had fun, but not too much fun. he told me that his teacher read a chapter of the borrowers to them at rest time, that he didn't nap, but he did close his eyes for a while, and he liked that. as we drove back to our hamlet in the hills, he told me he just wanted to turn around and go back to his school. and as he dropped into a deep sleep in the car seat, sandwich in hand, he told me his day was stupid. so many contradictions in this little person who loves life, who loves to laugh and play and explore, but who also knows that being agreeable might mean giving up a little bit of his desire for self determination. it's tricky business, that.
but i'm pretty sure he'll figure it out. and maybe a little time in separate spaces, a little time for perspective, for reflection, a little time for work, will help me to figure it out as well.