sketchy

last night after tashi was in bed i plopped down on the couch not feeling very energetic and said to myself, i have to create something to salvage this day. then i remembered the huge sketch pad dan gave me for christmas along with some charcoal crayons. i pulled it out and sketched him as he read a book on the couch. it's not very good, and i didn't even attempt the hand or much of the head. and there are some elements i added in that aren't really true to life like a star on his cardigan. but i was really happy while i was doing it. it's the process that counts, yes? it got me really excited about hopefully taking some art classes in the near future.

then i went off the deep end and started sketching layouts of pads i once inhabited. below is the first apartment i lived in buffalo, ny. what a nightmare that was. i lived above a waitress who hung out with speed freaks who stayed up all night and yelled a lot. her boyfriend and his buddies started harrassing me. they shoved pages from porno magazines under my door. threw eggs at my windows. piled trash on top of my car. and one day used duct tape to seal my door shut from the outside. i lived there for four months and then moved into a sweet apartment with karen before anyone attempted to rape or poison or shoot me. phew.

eye piece

i had to put this picture here, before it would appear up there.

my previous picture disappeared from the web, thus from my blog. it was a little mandala like painting, by j.r.r. tolkien, of luthien's seal. i thought it was cosmic.

other than having a sinus infection, all is ok. tomorrow is friday and for this i am grateful.

soap's on

recently i did a trade with poet extraordinaire, lisa jarnot. she sent me some of her soaps and i sent her some of my herbal tea blends. the rose soap with its pretty petals and beet juice colored pink is in our soap dish now. and we've got the lovelies pictured above to look forward to in the weeks to come: blackberry-rose soap and bela eucalyptus. i snuck them out of their wrappers just to show you, and then sealed them back up, because they are still curing. there is nothing better than luxuriating in an all natural home made lather. visit catskill organics now to check out lisa's sublime soap.

Antro II by Hedda Sterne 1949

this week did not begin well, i must say. on tuesday evening i felt a bad cold coming on. despite it, i went to work wednesday through friday, because i was signed up for a training and had already canceled out on the one offered in december. i got sicker through the week, with things peaking on thursday evening when i writhed in bed all night with a fever and a sinus headache and muscle aches and a sore throat.

today i am feeling like i'm on the other side of things, still coughing and still with sore throat, but more energetic. as dan said, i'm no longer groaning.

i think going to the family artjam at the uva art museum helped a lot. even though i woke up thinking a i didn't have the energy for it, i felt much better (and happier) after we took part in it.

artjam is something the uva art museum is offering once a month, january through april, where parents can come in with their kids, have a bit of guided tour through the exhibit at hand, and then create artwork based on what they have learned.

today we checked out the art of hedda sterne. i'd never heard of her but was impressed with her surreal, mostly abstract, style. we worked with shapes, and the line. while i was making my drawing, the woman leading the session asked me if i was an artist. that gave my ego a little boost for the day.

dan, tashi and i were all inspired and uplifted upon departure. we have some pretty cool pastel drawings hanging in our stairwell, and are looking forward to the next artjam which will explore indian paintings and african art.

dan is at band practice now, and i'm going to curl up on the couch and watch a movie. hope you all are in better health than me!

mooncat

You are The Moon

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Moon is a card of magic and mystery - when prominent you know that nothing is as it seems, particularly when it concerns relationships. All logic is thrown out the window.

The Moon is all about visions and illusions, madness, genius and poetry. This is a card that has to do with sleep, and so with both dreams and nightmares. It is a scary card in that it warns that there might be hidden enemies, tricks and falsehoods. But it should also be remembered that this is a card of great creativity, of powerful magic, primal feelings and intuition. You may be going through a time of emotional and mental trial; if you have any past mental problems, you must be vigilant in taking your medication but avoid drugs or alcohol, as abuse of either will cause them irreparable damage. This time however, can also result in great creativity, psychic powers, visions and insight. You can and should trust your intuition.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

sugar hollow hike

sunday morning mix

tashi's favorite muffin is the banana chocolate chip muffin. i use the moosewood recipe.

i've been rearranging a bit. i started with the living room. if ever you feel like there are no alternatives for the way things are arranged in your living room, just move your couch ever so slightly so that it is at an angle. that is what i did, amongst other minor tweakings, and i'm quite pleased.

also, for its second birthday, i've given the blog a new look. i think i like it.

today we're going to go for a drive and maybe a hike. might as well enjoy the balmy weather.

bright eyes

this is our girl cat, luna, sister to our boy cat, loki. luna was the runt of the litter and is just a little neurotic. she is shy and doesn't like to be picked up and sometimes runs when you try to pet her. but when she turns her love light on, she is the sweetest 'lil thing. her eyes are an incredible piercing aqua marine. she chatters a lot and digs hanging close when we read to tashi. she adores tashi most of all. loki is the alpha male and is constantly harassing luna. when he walks into a room, she departs. last night we saw luna stand her ground with loki like never before. she would appear out of nowhere and divebomb him from behind. and then at some point when he was sitting on the cat tower, she gave him a half dozen whaps with her open paw. he sat up looking dazed and astounded and then took a flying leap toward the other room. luna curled up on the cat tower pleased as punch, and we had to give her a round of applause. the girl is a survivor.

i am feeling better, though exhausted. there is nothing else.

entropy

this is an ornament dan's mom embellished for him when he was a wee tot. she glued candy sprinkles on to spell his name. after our last few years of dank basement storage, the ornament, and the candy on it, have become moldy. this year i asked dan if we could bid the moldering pink orb farewell. once food grade materials start to disintegrate, there really is no turning back the clock. apparently dan isn't ready to let it go. it sits still in our dining room, waiting for a decision on its fate. i'm hoping this immortalizing picture might tip the scale. though i'm quite charmed by dan's attachment.

the shroud

today i stayed home. my first sick day in eight months. it was a good day to be at home. the morning started off with wind and i was able to appreciate the sounds it bore all around me: the house creaking a bit from impact, the scratch of small branches scuttling across the roof, chimes, the roar of the hawk's nest pine, all leafy trees jangling.

despite my ill feeling, i was able to move about the house and experience it in solitude, a rare delight.

i found myself staring with surprise at titles of books not yet cracked, while blowing dust off others i'd abandoned mid way. i purged old weekly newspapers and holiday catalogs, and wondered, does it signify middle age when your shopping becomes predominantly mail order? i commiserated with house plants who suffer ailing leaves. i had lengthy petting sessions with cats who respond with purest bliss.

i was able to appreciate daylight falling through windows, corners where things of significance are housed, cups, peeling paint, this old macintosh. i listened to songs that once stirred me. i picked up and touched things. i spent time on my bed staring out the window at a tree choked with ivy. i felt awakened.

all the while, the veil between life and death, lifted.

this weekend the package i found at the threshold held a life lesson. it has been delivered before. the gate to the moon is in my very home. the cats guard it like sentry. the life which passes, passes through all. its presence surrounds me. the blossoming heartbeat within me has found stillness. my body has refused to sustain it.

because the goddess insists i learn about miscarriage, i feel that in some way i must do something "productive" with the experience. perhaps i must aid, in some way, other women who suffer it. this the lesson i am learning as i journey through my fifth pregnancy loss. i am writing now, so candidly in this blog, which is mostly light hearted and about loving life, because i know too well the loneliness of miscarriage and that only through sharing will the lonely find some small degree of comfort.

so i begin here, now. to the left you will find links as i gather them. perhaps i will dedicate another blog to it. but for now this is my first step. may those who seek information, solace and support, find it. may i somehow be of help.

loki listens

it's been a back to work week, a put all the new stuff away week, a take down the yule tree week, a laundry week, an upload some photos to flickr week, a not feeling well week, a purr therapy week. when i'm not feeling well the cats often know just the right way to curl up against me and send their purr vibe out. it's like acupressure. in these pictures they are having fun with tashi, who, as you can see, got a guitar for christmas.

five things you don't know about me

a meme.

i was tagged by britt. i'm not sure if these five things are supposed to follow a particular format, so i'm just going to wing it:

1) greek was my first language. after moving to the u.s. from cyprus (i turned four in transit), my mother stopped speaking greek to me and my memory of the language faded into nothing.

2) the house i spent most of my childhood in was at the end of a dirt road in rural pennsylvania. our property was separated from a golf course by a creek. golf balls used to land in our yard and in the creek all the time. i would collect those golf balls, shine them up, and go and sit on the golf course and sell them.

3) my senior year in high school, i was one of three girls awarded "life of the party." ahem.

4) for entertainment, i like to read novels by indian women and travelogues about india. for scholarship, i like to read poetry. the odyssey is my favorite classic.

5) the siamese cat i grew up with was named aphrodite. she used to sleep on my back every night. she died of heartbreak when i left for college. i sure miss her.

i have to add this in,

6) i didn't know what meme meant, until i looked it up.

i now tag ladyman, molly, fire escape gardener, deevee and linda diane.

theatro tashi

this is the doorway puppet theater i made for tashi as a christmas gift. it fits into any standard doorway with a tension rod. it has inpsired much entertainment of late. we can't wait until the next show!

i live in virginia!

best gifts

a kiss and a digital camera

as the light returns a light passes

my favorite james brown memory is from halloween, 1991, when i lived in seattle. some acquaintances and i, all west coast transplants from buffalo, were at a crowded warehouse party. i was dressed up as a "fortune teller" and was carrying around my tarot cards, doing on-the-spot readings. at some point a joint went around and then james brown was blasting from the stereo. all at once everyone at the party started dancing. it was this magical frenzy of motion, when the music and the movement connect you with not just everyone in the room, but the universe. myself and my friends were in a semi-circle, all smiling at one another, locking gazes, sharing the love. it was a small moment, but has become my favorite james brown moment, when he arranged all of our spirits under one song, and through the funk, all funk was lifted and there was only bliss.

wishing you

we are enjoying vacation!

yesterday tashi and i made bubble wish bread, a recipe we found in the circle round book. after the dough has risen each participant pulls off a hunk the size of a golfball. you place a piece of dried fruit in the hunk to represent your wish. you do this until all the dough is used up. the balls are dropped into a bundt pan and a sweet blend of melted butter & brown sugar is poured in here and there, in between layers. after a second rising the bread is baked for about half an hour. out comes a delightful loaf of sweet bread, charged with wishes.

other activities yesterday included a puppet play of "the elves and the shoemaker" at the old michie theater. a long nap on the couch while listening to choral music. snugs with my loves. and the finishing of the fabulous homemade doorway puppet theater.

we are enjoying vacation. long hours beside a twinkling tree in a cozy house, playing, baking, snuggling, crafting and resting.

may your days be peaceful, bright and inspired.

christmas eve eve

the cats woke me up this morning with the usual scratching and meowling. some mornings they are so good and others. . . grrr! even tashi still sleeps.

there is thick fog between the trees and the ground is wet with recent rainfall. tashi is very sad that no snow is coming our way this christmas. it was a bit odd running my errands yesterday and having to carry an umbrella. four years in michigan was four white christmases.

we had a chimney sweep visit recently. a year ago when we tried to light a fire in our supposedly working fireplace it backed up. this year we decided it would be worth it to have it checked out. the chimney sweep discovered the metal guard at the top of the chimney had collapsed. he lifted it up and secured it, inspected the chimney which needed no sweeping and said we were good to go. so yesterday dan built a blazing fire in the fireplace. it was beautiful but made the mantle so hot i thought everything on top of it would melt. and then it backed up. the whole house was thick with smoke and ash was blowing out and landing upon nearby surfaces. dan separated the logs and the fire diminished. he didn't want to pour water in as it would create an even thicker plume so he picked up each log with tongs and, one at a time, carried them outside and piled them onto the walkway in front of our house. then there was a little fire on the walkway.

it took a while for all the smoke to clear out of our house and now the aroma of campfire sticks. i don't mind. but i do mind that our fireplace appears to be useless.

last night tashi and i did the annual solstice ritual of poking cloves into oranges. while we do it we think about the year that has passed and make resolutions and wishes for the year to come. sometimes we talk about our thoughts and sometimes we are silent. last night we were silent though in the end discovered that we both have the same wish.

Happy Winter Solstice

(a day late)

vacation begins today. glorious glorious vacation.

yesterday we celebrated the winter solstice as much as we could with me at work all day. tashi discovered presents throughout the house which would suddenly appear. the faeries deliver these. usually the presents are books as story telling is a great way to pass the dark of winter solstice.

when i got home from work we cleaned out our frig and put food out in the wild for the animals. and then tashi and i took a walk around the neighborhood, looking at the variety of lights (all these people who don't even realize they are trying to lure back the sun), admiring christmas trees in picture windows (that which remains green when so much else in nature is dormant) and counting wreaths (which represent the circle of life, don'tcha know).

before bed we lit the floating candles and talked about what we would like to see grow and strengthen in our lives. and then we read a sosltice tree for jenny to tashi before lights out.

once tashi was safely tucked in bed i completed the curtains on her puppet theater. i have only to attach the valance fabric and some dowels. it's a success! and then dan and i cracked open the delicious dandelion wine my friend laura bottled at midsummer. a magical mist rose from it and it fizzed with joy. we enjoyed a small glass of it, wanting it to last through the days.

now there is last minute shopping, a gingerbread house to assemble, cookies to bake, presents to be wrapped and relaxation to be had. one floating candle still burns.

wishing you all resfulness and peace, feasts and good fortune.

we vishnu a merry christmas

i know that i should be working on the puppet theater right now, but at least i got a good start the other night. it took me two hours to do what an experienced sewer could do in half an hour, but hey, at least i progressed. i'm intimidated by the actual cutting out of the window where the puppet show will be displayed. and so your are staring at my procrastination effort.

plus it's late after a long grouchy day.

it started out with my cat luna scratching at the walls endlessly before sunrise. she has been very interested in my bedroom closet lately. but when i found that-which-shall-not-be-named in there the other day, her closet forays came to an end. so she has been scratching at the closet door and the walls around it at ungodly hours. we threw pillows at her and she finally stopped. i was pretty tired when i awoke to tashi smiling at the bedside, dressed up in sparkling things and weilding her wooden sword and shield.

dan, tashi and i eventually went down to the holiday artisan market. it was a frightfully beautiful global warming day, and we were able to walk around in nothing but our long sleeve cotton shirts. the market was bustling and there were some fun things to gaze upon and some delicious thigs to digest. but tashi decided to be tired and cranky and pestered dan the entire time to carry her (she knows better than to ask me). she is two weeks away from being nine years old; carrying her around for an hour just isn't an option. we all became snarly fast.

afterwords i ended up going to the dreaded indoor mall by myself. sometimes i actually get a little kick out of the mall. it's warm, there are comfortable plush seats, each store offers a different atmosphere, you can buy really yummy giant pretzels, and the people watching can leave you both charmed and deeply depressed. today i left feeling depressed. then i went grocery shopping.

as i drove home i had this fantasy that dinner would be well under way and dan would be standing in the kitchen with an apron on. but no, dan and tashi were off somewhere on their bikes, enjoying the frightfully warm weather. i experienced a completely irrational bout of resentment that grew as i unloaded each grocery bag. just as i was about to scrawl out a note that said, "cook your own dinners" before running off to have a stiff drink, tashi came through the door like a shaft of sunlight.

so i made parmatzo chicken and rice and green beans and salad, and afterwards, while snuggled on the couch watching rudolph-the-red-nosed, i promptly fell asleep.

parmatzo chicken
(this recipe is for six and i always cut it in half because we are three)

3 lbs boneless, skinless chicken breast (organic, if possible)
1 cup matzo meal
1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese
2 tsp black pepper
1 tsp cayenne
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp ginger powder
1 tbsp italian herb blend
4 cloves minced garlic
1 tbsp olive oil
2 eggs

pre heat oven to 375

1) mix the matzo meal, cheese & spices
2) in separate dish, beat the eggs
3) cut the chicken breasts into nuggets
4) drizzle olive oil in baking dish
5) coat chicken pieces in egg and then dredge in matzo mix. place in baking dish.
6) if you wish, pour remaining egg and matzo over meat
7) sprinkle minced garlic on top
8) bake for 50 minutes

they are delightful.

Happy Hanukkah

Shalom Chaverim, Shalom Chaverim,
Shalom, Shalom,
L'hitraot, L'hitraot,
Shalom, Shalom

Oh peace be with you
Oh peace be with you
Oh peace, Peace, Peace
Till we meet again
Till we meet again
Oh peace, peace, peace

trying to become a productive elf

oh dear, is it inspiration that i need, or motivation, or both.

a while ago i found this doorway puppet theater in the magic cabin dolls catalog. tashi has been into puppet shows lately and i thought it would be a much better venue than her current tabletop theater. and then i found myself saying, i can make that!

i surfed around on the web to see what sort of doorway puppet theater gurus i could find, and sure enough, i found that this revered crafty mom blogger had once done it herself. she is a thousand times more talented than me in the textile arts, and i doubt my theater will measure up, but i keep looking at her's for inspiration.

i picked out the fabrics a little over a week ago and still they sit nicely folded next to my sewing machine. they are a fun combination of colors and designs, but i am a little surprised by my choices.

tonight, yes, tonight, i will begin. i just needed to psych myself up first. so here i go. . .

merry

today i couldn't wait to get home to the evergreen in the living room, the garland on the fireplace, the stockings hung neatly in a line and the cats sitting in a puffed up comfort staring with adoration at the colorful ornaments. i think they know that christmas means a few new catnip toys and lots of ribbon and balled up paper.

we chopped our white pine down at davis creek tree farm, tucked in an idyllic valley at the foot of the blue ridge. it was far more fulfilling than picking a tree up from the mall parking lot. it's now glittering with white lights, wooden whimsy, delicate glass ornaments and a half dozen disco balls.

and tonight we're going to watch the grinch! we're not a big tv family, but the good old fashioned animated grinch is not to be missed.

that's the latest in family holiday trivia.

i had a very nice visit with karen. food, conversation, laughter, chocolate truffles and walks, that's what good visits are made of. i hope it won't be another 13 years before we see each other again. i must mention bizou, where we had dinner on friday. one review calls it, "upscale down home cooking." it was incredible. we shared two appetizers: grilled shrimp on polenta and squash ravioli both with some knock-your-socks-off sauces. and then we shared an entree, fresh tuna on smashed potatoes with an incredible red onion/fennel root sauce. for desert we had grilled banana bread with caramel sauce and vanilla ice cream. it was pure exquisiteness topped off with a drink at fellini's and darryl rose on drums.

karen's visit came as a nice relief during the busiest time of year at my workplace. and soon, very soon will be a glorious full week of vacation bridging solstice and the new year.

full moon morning

this morning i stepped into the frosty world and saw the most spectacular full moon above a hill. it disappeared within moments and i felt so fortunate to have been given that quick glimpse. it was the best way to start a day.

tomorrow my long time friend is coming to visit! we were roommates in buffalo in 1990! but we first met in -- well -- probably 1987 or 1988 when we worked at the same sandwich shop. i was new to buffalo and karen was kind enough to invite me to parties and introduce me to friends. we shared many a late night together seeing bands and bar hopping and making art and living with the passion of single girls in their early 20's. it's been over a decade since we've seen each other, but thanks to the internet we've remained connected. and now she's going to visit us on her way up from visiting family in atlanta and roanoke. it will be interesting to see how much, and how little, we've changed. whoop!

the house is festive and cozy. i pulled out various twink lights, and holiday elves, and a spray of red berries. i purchased some poinsettia from a grade school boy. the ornaments wait anxiously for their tree. perhaps this weekend we'll go to the same tree farm we visited last year and chop down a poor little evergreen to worship for the coming days.

wishing you all a week kept warm by the hearth of your hearts.

desk spell

leaves, petals, berries, pebbles

i distribute and sort

create piles

fill bins

in my palm a seed pod rests

i fill each furrow

wind blows my trail into dust

care echos in ear hollow

the tedious pace of finding that place

brush strokes may emerge from key strokes

accountability is a virtue

an invocation attached to each voucher