F is for Friends

watercolorish
Originally uploaded by zoe krylova

I have spent a lot of time moving. I was born in Cyprus and moved to small town America when I was four. I moved away from Bradford, PA, to go to Allegheny College and then to live in Buffalo. I moved away from Buffalo to go out West. I lived in Seattle for a year and then moved to the Bay Area. I lived in Oakland/Berkeley/San Francisco for eight years and then moved to India for a year. I lived in Corvallis, OR, for a summer after being in India and then moved to Ann Arbor, MI, for four years. And now I live in Charlottesville, VA. It will be two years this month.

I've made friends in all of these places, including the places in between. One or two of my closest soul mates I've met on the road. I have amazing groups of friends all over the place. They are artists and activists and photographers and writers and explorers and nomads and healers and psychics and musicians and dancers and actors and just plain good folks. It's so hard to find your tribe and then leave it. I've done that a few times now. It seems like every time I move it's harder to make friends. But I've met some good folks where I am now. And I know with time the circle will widen.

I wish I could be there to see my friends across the country perform, have babies, publish books, have art exhibits, make gardens, play music, dance late into the night. It's amazing how the internet keeps us connected. I have several friends who I lost track of for years and then one day found them in a google search, only to become closely connected again. And then there are the ones who disappear altogether. No matter how hard you search their name doesn't pop up.

I am often shy and not a great small talker. I am cynical. It's not easy for me to make friends. But once I have them I think the world of them. And when I leave them I really miss them. But the best thing is when our paths continue to cross in this world. When an old pal pops up out of nowhere because they are visiting a nearby city or passing through town as they travel toward another destination. Good times are almost always had. And I love good times. Parties, making music, crafting, dancing. It's all so much better with friends.

E is for Earth

In my astrological birth chart, five of my ten planets are in the Earth sign of Virgo. Dan (Taurus) and Tashi (Capricorn) are both Earth signs. We're all stubborn, in love with the outdoors, a little bogged down at times, and at other times, incredibly hard working.

I'm worried about the earth. On days like today where the high is expected to be 101 degrees, I wonder what it will be like roasting under the dome of global warming. I guess I don't have to wonder; I'm experiencing it now. But what will it be like when there is no relief from the extremes of hot and cold? I try not to be too fearful, but I know I'm not doing enough. Not many people are doing enough, and so I try also, not to be too resigned.

Sometimes I forget how incredibly refreshing it is to the psyche, to take a hike, or a long country drive, to cultivate a garden, or just swing on the hammock. I try to plan rituals to celebrate sabbats and esbats, but without the culture geared toward these important seasonal days, it is sometimes easy to let them slip by unnoticed.

I don't believe in one God or Goddess, but I do believe the earth is infused with divine power. Just as each of us is. If we respect it, acknowledge it, allow it to flourish, it may be the power that saves us all.

skirt from sonic

yesterday sonic and i went to a trendy thrift store during my lunch break. i was eyeballing a skirt and she kept saying get it and i kept saying no. when i came home from work sonic presented me with a pretty pink package full of the pretty pink skirt. thanks sonic!!!!!!!

a regular post!

it's been a whirlwind of days. we returned from our michigan road trip late last tuesday without our child who is in milwaukee until this weekend when dan flies in to scoop her up.

our old pal from san francisco, ann, otherwise known as sonic, showed up on thursday. this has resulted in many late nights and much silliness.




over the weekend dan and i got away for a mini honeymoon in the allegheny mountains. hwy 250, which is main street in charlottesville, goes up through the blue ridge and into the allegheny mountains of west virgina. it meets up with hwy 219 which runs all the way up to buffalo and through bradford, pa, the town i grew up in. this is a sort of mythical thing to me. the hwy which passes through the town i live in now, connects with the hwy that passes through my childhood town. i guess i've been away a long time.

so we camped south of the point where 250 meets 219, and the next day drove to that point. it was a gorgeous drive through mountain vistas, old victorian towns, great farms, big sky. we stopped off at artisan and antique shops. we found a great private camp spot in the watoga state park, next to a creek, under tall trees, with a big meadow across from our tent site. we had a huge homestyle meal the next day at the river restaurant in marlinton, wv. and we drove home through blinding rain showers and a sky of powder grey.



more fun with sonic continues. . .

D is for Dance, Drum and Dan

Dance:

I love to dance. I don't do it as much anymore because going out to dance usually means going out late and having to hire a babysitter. Every once in a while Fridays After Five has a danceable band. Sometimes I can get Tashi to dance with me, but mostly she is reaching the "mom you embarrass me" stage. One of these days I will convince Dan to take swing dancing lessons. When living in San Francisco, right around the time Dan and I had our first date, I was going to contact improv dance jams. This was always very fun and powerful. I loved having the dance evolve and revolve around the point of contact, learning how to lift a person, being a part of a beautiful and spontaneous unfolding. I fell in love with Reggae music while living in Ann Arbor, mostly because it was such great music to dance to. Here in Charlottesville I feel a little dance deprived. There just don't seem to be a lot of opportunities unless a good band comes through. So every once in a while I cut the rug in the living room. Tashi will join me there, especially if playing the soundtrack to Lagaan, a Bollywood film with great music.

Drum:

Dan gave me a beautiful djimbay drum for my birthday in 2001. He feels that I'm a natural born drummer and every once in a while I feel that way too. But mostly I know nothing about music. Nothing. I did take a djimbay workshop which was helpful. And recently Dan and two of his bandmates came over and I was able to jam with them a little. I felt shy and confused but there were some good moments. Over the weekend Dan and I camped and we brought drum and guitar. We had a great time and experienced this great cosmic connectivity through the musical jam. So perhaps I may just become part of the band, in one configuration or another.

Dan:

DanDanDanDanDanDanDanDanDanDan. He is my husband and best friend. He does the dishes every night and once in a while makes a mean Aloo Gobi. He is passionate about his work and his music. He is highly intelligent and can pull out the most obscure trivia. He is the most awesome Dad a child could ask for. He is silly and loves to play. He is handsome and sexy. He is supportive of my hair brained ideas, and I his. We are good at staying young together. We met long ago while in college. I was visiting a mutual friend in Madison, WI. Dan's intensity and warm smile stuck with me. Many years later I mentioned to the same mutual friend that I'd always had a little crush on Dan. When he was visiting San Francisco a few years later, we were set up on a sort of "blind" date. And thus our love was born. Our relationship started on the blue moon of 1993. It was a long distance relationship for about six months. This was before everyone had email, so we actually posted letters to each other. Dan moved to the Bay area in 1994, we moved in together a couple of years later and tashi was born in 1998. We were married as a family in the Mendocino Woodlands in 1999. Sometimes I just can't believe the turn of my life. Dan is a blessing beyond description.

C is for a Collection of things

Camping:

Camping is fun! It's the earth out of the box! Eating, sleeping, walking, relaxing on the planet's skin. It is a thrill to set up home in a natural habitat and observe a corner of the deep. Hearing the animals, the birds, checking out the wildflowers and herbs. Sitting around the fire with Dan and Tashi, or pitching a tent in our own backyard, singing, telling stories, reading our books. It is a mixture of fresh air, survival and minimalism. It is also hard work. One of my first big adventures with Dan was an eight mile hike into the Ventana Wilderness off of the rugged California coastline by Big Sur. There is no magic like the magic of the deep forest. We camped there for a couple of nights and came out intensely bonded. I can't seem to camp enough.



Creativity:

I certainly have my moments of lacking it, but I find creativity an essential ingredient in everyday life. From what I write, draw, cook and collage, to the way I approach a situation, creativity keeps things fresh, original, honest. We've supported Tashi's creative impulses and glow with pleasure each time she gives us a tour of a sketchbook, constructs an endearing object, practices her violin or sings her own personal opera. Some of the songs dan covers or has written make me melt. I believe that everyone has the spark of creativity in them, it's just a matter of letting it catch fire -- sometimes a scary proposition. I definitely have my struggle with keepng the embers lit. But something inside me suffers without a sustained submersion, without an active engagement in the realm of creativity and creation.



Cyprus:

Where I was born. Where my mother was born. Where her father was born. Where I have uncles, aunts, cousins and friends. A country occupied. A country of coastline and mountains. A country of spectacular food. A country where I might see myself living someday, but for the turmoil. A country where I would love to occupy a tiny villa overlooking the sea, near cedars, growing herbs and spending each and every day writing. But for devastation. Cyprus, the Goddess connection. The connection to olive oil and grilled foods. The connection to swimming and sunshine and sand. The connection to light.


Clear Thought:

A goal.

B is for Babies

that delicious little fellow is my nephew tucker.

not only do i love babies, i love the birth of them. i knew almost immediately after tashi was born that i wanted to become a doula, though it took me years before i finally enrolled in a training at the center for the childbearing year in ann arbor, michigan. i gained some experience by volunteering for doula's care, a fabulous organization that matches doulas in training with pregnant women. for free.

one of the reasons i switched to a part time job recently was so that i could put energy toward a doula practice in charlottesville. i've decided to call it windflower doula care, similar to my herbal tea business, windflower botanicals.

i am fascinated with pregnancy & childbirth and love supporting women through this intense and powerful time. the purpose of a doula is to provide emotional, informational and physical support. this support is needed especially in the hospital setting where there is sometimes a lack of good communication between medical staff and birthing mama. modern childbirth is often managed, medicated, and subject to the dictates of time and technology. a doula is there to educate a woman on the possibilities and empower her to make informed choices.

it is ironic that, while so in love with mamas and babies and chilbirth, i've suffered five miscarriages myself. the only positive i can pull out of this experience is that it brings me closer to the cycle of life AND death. it has also taught me a great deal about where western medicine can help. if i want to try and have another baby, i will probably have a rather medicalized "high risk" pregnancy, at least to the extent that I will take progesterone suppliments, have repeated blood tests to make sure my horomone levels are holding up, and have several early ultrasounds to make sure the baby is holding on. so my experience has helped me to understand, or at least be a little more compassionate toward, women who need to take more medicalized routes for good reasons. ultimately, i've been trying to figure out how i can use my own experience of loss to help others. perhaps down the line i will focus my attentions on doula-ing women who find themselves pregnant after a loss. but right now i embrace all possibilities.

A is for Angry

one of my biggest challenges in life continues to be working out my anger. some kind of fury found its way in me when i was an early teen and continues to present itself in shadowy ways. while my voice level and my words are sometimes vehicles for my anger, it manifests itself mostly in other constructive and destructive modes of my life. it is not an anger that strikes out physically in any way, but the anger of a hurt that coats me at times with a rich red oil paint or disappears me into the whites of a negative print.

many of my favorite female singers are angry ones: patti smith, pj harvey, kim gordon. even joni mitchell had her bitterness. while living in seattle i loved going to seven year bitch concerts, and mia zapata of the gits was pure goddess. seeing a woman exercise her venom was oftentimes religious. in the trance there was hope.

i'm angry at those that support the war, and those that started it and those that voted for it. i'm angry at those that think their religion is superior and the ONLY way. i'm angry about the massive field of destruction carved out by those driven by maniacal greed and power. i'm angry about the food industry and the medical industry. i'm angry at clear cut, smog choked, subdivision slashed, gun hunger. i'm angry at vengeance and racism and theft and classism and hierarchy. i'm angry about sexism and abuse and murder.

i'm angry because of: blatant lies. the absence of attention. white knuckles & thin lips. curses. the continuation of bad decisions. abandonment.

while i sometimes find myself in positions where i have to use all my power to keep the internal fire serpent tied up at its post, i know also that it is a fuel for much that i have and will accomplish. it has taught me something about alchemy. it has forced me to learn about breathing and meditation and yoga. it continues to focus me on humility, letting go, and turning the tide. through healing i will also be able to heal.

encyclopedia of me meme

cassi of bella dia has an alphabetical meme idea. each day, or cluster of days, will have a personal statement beginning with a corresponding letter. i may not be able to properly post comments (mine somehow appeared on cassi's blog five times repeated), but i might be able to make a writing exercise of this. thanks for encouraging participation!

a few highlights

oh my, it's been a while!

things got pretty busy in ann arbor, and while wireless was available at our mackinac island hotel, i refused to pay to access it. now we are at dan's parents' house in milwaukee. we'll be departing shortly, camping one more night along the way, and arriving home tomorrow.

ann arbor was a lot of fun. we had some nice lake moments in the silky clean waters of pickerel lake and were treated with a visit to my friend laura's cabin on long lake. we drove by our old house on two acres in the woods, and i saw my herb garden continuing to thrive. we ate lots of good food, had a barbecue with friends, ran errands with my mom, visited the farmer's market and the microbrewery, watched a friend of dan's playing the conga's at a club. i miss a certain urban air that ann arbor has. i never spent much time in detroit, but the proximity is evident.







on friday we took a long drive up to mackinac island where my brother and his fiance were having a wedding. we took the scenic route along lake huron. i made a plan to photograph artifical animals, of which there were many. but if we would have stopped for every one, we may still be on the road today. i'm sorry to say i passed up the giant pink flamingo, the polar bear wearing the initial D, the spotted cow made out of metal tanks, the leaping dolphin, and the huge buck. the latter was lost when about 200+ photos disappeared when my camera battery died while uploading. a scrambled memory card resulted in the wedding reception, most of mackinac island, and the upper peninsula, erased. oh what an awful feeling.




we stayed at the stonecliff, a rather fancy hotel on mackinac. it was on the north west part of the island, away from the fudge eating tourist crowds, and was an oasis. i witnessed some of the most incredible flower gardens, shoreline views, winding wooded roadways, victorian homes, and crumbling stone walls. one reaches mackinac island by ferry and there are no cars permitted. so we enjoyed many lovely walks and rides on the horse drawn taxis.



the wedding was very sweet. it is my brother and his fiance's second marriage, and they held a lovely ceremony on the grounds of the hotel. both of them were "given away" by their children. there was a full moon that night, and fireworks were sent off from four different areas in celebration of the 50th anniversary of the mackinac bridge.



yesterday was spent driving through michigan's upper peninsula to wisconsin. we stopped at a beautiful beach on the north end of lake michigan. it could have been the bahamas. unfortunately the photos were lost with the 200+ mentioned earlier.

there will be some processing ahead. anytime i spend much time "at home" i come out feeling like i need therapy. i'm not sure how much vacation was really in this vacation. but it was wonderful to have a break from routine, see friends and family, and road trip. i very much love a road trip.

and now tashi will be staying with nanna and grandpa and aunts and uncles in milwuakee. there is a deep sadness in me at saying goodbye to her for two weeks. but she is eager for the fun ahead and i know that perhaps dan and i will have some fun too.

onward.

some ann arbor activities

fun at the hands on museum:




my mother's fabulous stuffed veggies:




tashi and laura and ice cream at the washtenaw dairy:


(the above picture is posed. laura is not really a fugitive from the insane asylum.)

ann arbor again

we are comfortably tucked into my mother's apartment in ann arbor, michigan.

the road trip was lovely. we started on saturday morning on highway 33, a small mountainous highway that begins in virginia and ends in indiana. we drove through the blue ridge and allegheny mountains, enjoying views, valleys, wild flowers and rocky ridges. if i would have taken photos of everything i wanted to, we'd still be on that road, in the mountains. so many crumbling buildings, kitschy yard decor, vintage sign boards, and beautiful landscapes.



we lunched at an outcropping of granite called seneca rocks.



tashi and i took a nice walk along the river while the driver napped



and then onward, onward, through quaint villages on winding roadways. we found a campground at north bend state park in west virginia, near the ohio border. a nice place with an area for tent camping, an increasing rarity in the world of satellite dish toting rvs.



we just happened to be there when they were having a "sports jamboree" and we were across the river from the gathering. it started out with some decent live music, moved on to some really painful karoke, and then ended with a live band and an elvis impersonator. the elvis act was actually quite fun; tashi and i had a little sock hop around the fire.

after dinner we took a little hike in the darkening of day. we ended up on the "cemetery trail" since tashi is into all thing haunted lately. on our way back down tashi kept saying that buried in the cemetery are the people who fell on the trail. i promptly fell after her third or fourth time of uttering this. and i fell hard. that's what i get for hiking in dansko clogs (i originally thought we were just going to take a walk around the campground). i practiced breathing for childbirth to get through the pain. and thought for sure i'd be going to the emergency room the next morning.

it was a sleepless night. on one side of us was a man snoring in his tent. on the other side was a family singing christian songs around the fire. a generator for the camground would occasionally emit a tornado of white noise. i awoke around 3am in an unbearable amount of pain from my ankle. i ended up taking two strong painkillers that i just happened to bring along (it takes A LOT for me to ingest a pharmaceutical). just as the pain was beginning to ebb, a child from the christian song singing family started screaming that their puppy was "shitting and puking and farting" in the tent. we proceeded to hear the dog barf and get spanked for doing so. in the mean time dan was making jokes that the snoring man sounded like someone unzipping their tent. this resulted in me going into hysterical laughter every time the guy snored.



sunday was a tired day



but we made it through the ohio flatlands



with a stop at the "spotted owl cafe" for lunch



this is my first time in ann arbor since we moved two years ago. dan and i took a walk downtown last night (well, i hobbled) and oogled at the changes. one of our favorite books stores is gone! there is a wine bar! what does it mean to name a restaurant, "no thai!"?

we are getting stuffed with my mother's amazing greek cuisine (so much for the diet which was just beginning to show some success) and are looking forward to visits and wanderings.

more soon! pictures added daily to flickr.

packed

the cats are sad and luna wants me to pack her in the suitcase.



we'll be camping tomorrow night somewhere in west virginia or ohio. we'll arrive in ann arbor on sunday. see you soon!

if tashi had an identical twin. . .

cuteness overload

check out my dear daughter's blog to see the cool thing she made at art camp. dan will bring the other projects home tonight. and she made a film too!

eentsy weentsy kitchen

what am i doing people? we are leaving tomorrow for an eleven day vacation which includes camping and wedding. i should be packing. i should have been out of the house two hours ago running errands. i should be preparing the house for the housesitter. but when a girl wants to take pictures with her digital camera, there's no stopping her. even if they are mundane pictures of her kitchen. which, as i know you've heard me mention, is the size of a walk in closet.

i was holding off on showing the kitchen because i wanted to somehow make it better. first of all, the twink lights burnt out and i wanted to replace them. but heck. someday when it's a new and improved kitchen, you can look back at these old pictures in wonder. but i doubt that day will come. we're renters and so the addition which would make this kitchen at least four time bigger, won't be coming.

but here it is, in its tiny cluttered glory.



this is the in-law shelf. multi-color vase from mother in law. new orleans gargoyles from brother in law. picnic basket from sister in law. red vase is from a friend in law.



the poster over the stove is merely meant to be a splash guard. we make lots of stir fry. it's a romantic poster of libra and her sparrow



thank goodness the frig is set into the wall.



some of the twink lights are working. they make me happy. dan's sister made the beautiful celtic stained glass piece. never mind that it was a wedding present. for him and his first wife. the hanging vegetable baskets are usually full of potatoes and onions and garlic. grocery shopping is one of the errands i have not yet embarked on. must have the house stocked for sitters.



these are cheap little k-mart particle board shelves stacked on top of each other (with view of dining room to the left and cool tibetan-wall-hanging-gift-to-dan-from-tibetan-government-in-exile on right). the shelves hold canned goods, spices, herbs, cook books. sometimes if you bump the shelf it teeters and things crash out on to the tile floor and break. i like the tile floor, but it's hard stuff.



and this my friends is my counter space, on a good day. i don't like the counter. it's made out of some weird plastic like material. but it's better than no counter space. and gotta love those exposed shelves that might fall on my head at any moment.



the light is kind of cute, even though three out of four of the bulbs are burnt out right now.

sometimes i feel like i'm on a houseboat in my kitchen. i'm not sure why. but right now, i really should leave this vessel and go run my errands.

potty talk

i have too much to do and nothing to say, so i'm going to give you a tour of my least favorite room in this house, our bathroom.

there is a soap dish above the sink, but it holds stones.



i think the faucet is cute.



the piece on the right is a replica of an ancient greek representation of baubo, a deity known for her boldness. because it is a tiny bathroom with no room for a magazine rack, i put the little basket on the wall to hold some little books.



these little hanuman books fit perfectly in the little basket, and make for good toilet reading.



i like these flower tiles; there are five of them in various spots.



here is a picture of a bathroom in the bathroom. it was taken by local photographer, tim o'kane. i would like to give it a better frame one of these days.



i've had these fish for over two decades and just can't seem to part with them.



this was tashi's night light for a long time. now it helps us find our way into the bathroom in the wee hours.



i haven't shown you the things about the bathroom that i don't like, which includes molding grout around the bathtub, a tile floor that never looks clean no matter how hard you scrub it, a hole in the ceiling where there is supposed to be a light, and lights above the mirror which are groovy, if only they were wired to work. but i will show you the peeling paint.